Broken Promises
by ShutUpAndPaddle
Summary: Horatio and Zoe are pushed to breaking point when Ryan returns with less than friendly intentions. They know that they must fight through it together just one last time before they both get what they ultimately want - marriage. Warning: Negative portrayal of a major character (Ryan), Non-Con & extreme story line.
1. Chapter 1

**Broken Promises **

**Chapter 1**

"Can we have our wedding in December, or January?" Zoë asked Horatio as they strolled along the hot beach in the bright sun. He looked over to her, studying her natural smile as the sun bounced off her large aviator sunglasses. Her hair shone flawlessly in the sunlight in the messy bun it was confined to while her tan was topping up nicely. He looked down to her loose peach-coloured top and denim shorts as she held her flipflops in her other hand.

"Of course, are you sure you don't mind having it so soon? December is only about 3 months away now." Horatio said softly and Zoë nodded with a smile as they swung their clasped hands backwards and forwards as they leisurely strolled down the white beach. She couldn't help but smile at him as his hair gently blew in the wind with his boyish smile set on his face. Her eyes dropped to the two open buttons on his shirt, exposing his light chest hair, it was also cooling him down as the light breeze was able to get into his shirt. She loved his light blue shirt. '_It brings out his eyes so well, and makes his hair all the more spectacular.'_ She thought to herself as she looked back down to the white sand as the small grains found their way into the gaps between her toes with each step they took.

"I told you last time, I just want to marry you as soon as I can!" She said with a smile and he chuckled and he nodded as he lifted her hand and kissed her knuckles. She bit her lip with a wide smile as she watched his lips make contact with her skin. She quivered slightly, wanting his lips to move up her arm to her lips. She felt the muscles in her core tighten as he kissed her hand again, his eyes didn't move off hers. '_Wow, he's too sexy for his own good. If we were at home, I'd be on him like a magnet.' _She thought to herself as she grinned at him just as he dropped their hands back down to their sides.

"Are you sure you won't get stressed?" Horatio asked softly as they began to lightly swing their hands again in time with each step they took.

"I'm sure, I didn't last time, did I?" She smiled before she looked out to sea to see a large ship passing them.

"I guess not." Horatio said softly and she smiled again as she looked back to him.

"Anyway, Kaitlin wants to do it all again, she's got everyone on speed dial now. All we have to do is make sure we don't end up in another bloody car crash." Zoë chuckled lightly as she looked up at him with furrowed eyebrows. He gave her a gentle smile and then looked to her forehead involuntarily, there wasn't even a scratch or scar visible. He glanced down to where they were walking with a smile, feeling his excitement and happiness build up.

"Then December will be a great month." Horatio smiled as he looked back to her and gave her hand a quick squeeze.

"The 11th again?" She asked and Horatio nodded. She stopped and squealed as she jumped on the spot, pulling him close as she wrapped her arms around his neck after dropping her flipflops to the hot sand. "I'm already super excited!" She grinned at the sky while he chuckled, he felt just as excited internally as he smiled down at the sand, also looking at her ass when he got the chance. She finally let go of him and picked her flipflops back up before they continued their walk. "It doesn't look like we're going to have two children by the time I'm 30 though, I'll be 29 by the time we have our first baby and nearly 30 if we manage to conceive during January time." She said softly and Horatio nodded as he gave her hand another quick squeeze.

"That doesn't matter though." Horatio said softly as he looked down at her and pulled her closer to drape his arm over her shoulders while she wrapped hers around his lower back.

"I guess you're right." She said softly as she looked down at the sand and smiled, beginning to experience butterflies in her stomach again.

"Are you going to leave work when I get pregnant?" Zoë questioned softly as she looked back up at him with a slightly more serious facial expression.

"More than likely sweetheart." Horatio said warmly as his eyes connected with hers behind their sunglasses.

"You don't have to… you know that, don't you? As long as I'm home with Skyler, I do feel safe. It's because I wasn't at mine when… you know. Skyler wasn't there to protect us." She said softly and Horatio nodded as he gently rubbed her upper arm.

"Well, perhaps I'll work mornings only or afternoons. Or I'll work 3 days and have 4 off. We'll work it out nearer the time though." Horatio said softly and she nodded as she looked down to the sand.

"I'm going to be a nervous wreck." She said softly and Horatio nodded silently, he knew that already. He remained silent for a few moments. '_I think I'm going to be just as worried as she will be though.'_ He thought to himself, honestly.

"I know sweetheart, but I will do everything to make sure you're safe." Horatio said softly and she nodded as she exhaled. She lifted her head once more, trying to bring her mood back up again by thinking about the wedding again.

"I'll have to call Kaitlin and Joe later. Kaitlin will probably explode with excitement again." Zoë chuckled and a smile appeared across Horatio's face again.

"You'll be the same when she asks you to be the maid of honour at her wedding." Horatio smiled at her as he relaxed his arm on her shoulders once again with a natural, happy smile herself.

"You don't know if she'll ask me." Zoë said softly as she raised her eyebrows at him.

"Of course she'll ask you, you know she will." Horatio said softly and she nodded with a giggle and shrug.

"Yeah, I guess." She smiled and Horatio rubbed her back as they both looked up the beach again to see the sun illuminating everything in their path.

They saw one of the coffee shops the both of them enjoyed up the beach a little more. "Do you want a coffee out, or do you want a coffee back home?" Horatio asked warmly.

"Back home please." She said softly and Horatio nodded. Horatio had noticed that she'd quietened down considerably. '_Perhaps she's just beginning to worry about pregnancy already?'_ Horatio thought to himself. They turned and headed back home, both remained silent for a little while, Horatio divided his attention from the sea to Zoë many times to make sure she was okay. She just seemed to take in the views from down the beach, rarely looking up to Horatio. She glanced around when the hairs on the back of her neck stood to attention. She swallowed as she stopped in her tracks and scanned the views up the beach for anything suspicious. She felt a shiver shoot up her spine as she blinked a few times.

"Alright?" Horatio asked as she looked back round to the front and she nodded, silently. She took his hand once again and began to walk with him.

"What's wrong sweetheart?" Horatio asked softly as he looked down to her, needing to know why she was so quiet and reserved.

"I just got a shiver, that's all. I think I'm probably just getting a slight chill from the breeze." She said softly and he nodded, not thinking anything of it.

Once they got home, Horatio put the kettle on to make them both a coffee as Zoë changed into something a little more comfortable. She came down and Horatio quickly tied her jogging bottoms up with a warm smile, she smiled back shyly, but warmly. He then turned around to pull the milk from the fridge while she observed him with a secret smile, loving his posture, red-hair and shirt from the back of him. Her eyes travelled up to his when he turned around and flicked the fridge door closed.

"We don't have any milk, sweetheart, I'll be right back, just going to the shop." Horatio said softly and she nodded with a warm smile.

"Do you want some toast?" She asked as she walked over to the cupboard to pull the bread out and he nodded. "Okay, I'll see you in a few minutes." She said softly and Horatio nodded. He quickly kissed her and then pulled his jacket on and left after picking his keys up from the side. Zoë then put 4 slices of bread in the toaster as she knew Horatio would only be a few minutes, the shop wasn't far at all. She pulled two small plates out of the cupboard when there was a loud knock at the door. She turned and walked towards the door as she pulled her jogging bottoms up a little more. She rose to her tip-toes to check who it was. '_What is Wolfe doing here?'_ She thought to herself as she frowned at the door. She backed off from the door and shook her head and then turned to walk back into the kitchen. '_I'm not going to answer.'_ She thought to herself as the toast popped up. She pulled the butter from the fridge and placed it on the side while she collected a knife from the cutlery draw. '_What on Earth does Wolfe want? Why is he here? He knows Horatio will blow if he catches him anywhere near the house._' Zoë thought to herself just as she heard Ryan knock louder and ring the bell. '_He can wait there until Horatio catches him. He'll get the shock of his life then.'_ Zoë thought as she pulled out her phone after buttering the toast. She washed her hands as she put her phone down on the side and then picked it back up to text Horatio. '_Ryan's at the door, he's knocked twice, I'm unsure if he's gone yet. Come back soon please, he's making me uncomfortable, Z xx'._ She re-read the text just as Ryan knocked louder.

"Fuck sake." She grumbled to herself as she turned and listened to him excessively ring the doorbell. She stuffed her phone into her bra, thinking that she'd sent the text, but she hadn't. She turned around and walked back over to the door, re-checking making sure it was just Ryan on the porch. She pulled it open halfway and stood strongly with a hard facial expression. She studied his exhausted and malnourished face. She saw the dark bags under his eyes and saw that his hair was thinning out. She swallowed when she saw his dramatic weight loss. '_He looks awful.'_ She thought to herself as her eyebrows lowered. '_Don't let your feelings get the better of you.'_ She told herself when she felt herself relaxing slightly, beginning to feel sympathetic towards him. '_Don't you dare feel sorry for him, Zoë-Mae.'_ She told herself again and hardened her posture again.

"What do you want?" She questioned firmly, bitterly.

"I really need to talk with you Zoë." He asked quietly as he looked up at her with his hands in his pockets. He looked like a lost little boy, his clothes were not clean, he didn't smell too great and it didn't look like he'd seen a razor in a few days.

"Hands out of your pockets please and I have nothing to say to you, please leave." She said firmly and he took his hands out of his pockets and held them up in submission to show her that he didn't have anything. He placed his hands back down by his sides as he looked up at her with soft, slightly manic eyes. She swallowed as she studied his pale, fatigued face as her jaw tightened, trying to push her feelings back out of the situation.

"Please, may I come in?" Ryan questioned softly, furrowing his eyebrows at her.

"No, Horatio will be back soon, I suggest you leave before he gets back. He'll put your head in the ground and I can't say that I blame him. You've got some nerve coming to our house." Zoë said firmly as she looked up, hoping his car would pull up soon. She kept her posture and voice firm; she wasn't going to show him any weakness at all.

"H is out?" Ryan questioned.

"What do you think? He's not come to the door to beat the shit out of you yet, so yes, I think it's safe to say that he's out." She replied bitterly and sharply as she placed a hand on her hip and gave him a disgusted look. '_He must already know that Horatio is out… he wouldn't have come to the door if Horatio was in, surely? Not unless he has a death wish. It's clear he's out, his car isn't on the drive.'_ Zoë thought to herself as her posture hardened again. '_I should just knock his teeth out.'_ She thought as her lips tightened.

"Zoë, I still love you–" Ryan pleaded and she almost leapt forwards to knock his teeth out and reduce him to a mass of pain on the floor, but she resisted as her anger grew to another level.

"We've been through this hundreds of times before. If that's what you're going to say, just leave now. Don't contact me again and don't come back here. You've got some fucking cheek turning up on our doorstep. You'll be lucky if Horatio doesn't turn up on yours later." She snapped at him as she stepped back and began to forcefully close the door. She was stopped by Ryan putting his foot in the door, preventing it from closing. He looked up at her, catching her icy glare.

"Zoë, I'm not sleeping, I can't afford to eat, I can't afford to run my car, and they've even cut off my water and electricity. I can't get a job. I've barely eaten for weeks, you don't understand how hungry I am or the pain I'm going through right now, I've never experienced hunger pains like this. I keep having horrible thoughts, I don't know what to do, I've got no-one, I don't know where to turn next. The next step for me will be a ditch somewhere." He begged her desperately.

She blinked a few times and then swallowed. She looked him up and down again and saw that he even had holes in his shoes where he couldn't afford to get new ones and where he'd worn them in so much from having to walk everywhere. "You brought this on yourself, Ryan." She exhaled heavily and looked out for Horatio as her facial expression softened a little.

"I can't live like this, Zoë. I will die if I'm left like this anymore. I've got no-one." Ryan pleaded her and he could see her sympathy and compassion making a show as his manic eyes darted around her face. He saw her swallow as she blinked a few more times, he could see the overly compassionate Zoë beginning to take over her fierce shield that she was using to keep him away.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

"I literally can't live like this anymore. I'm killing myself. Death will be my only option if I carry on like this. You're the only one that I feel like I can turn to. I need help, Zoë. I need your help." He asked her and she exhaled and rubbed her forehead as she frowned. She took a deep breath and looked down to the floor. '_Do I help him? What do I do? Where's Horatio?'_ She questioned herself as she ran her hand through her hair and bit her lip lightly. '_He does look awful, I can't let another human being live like that, can I? Is he really giving me the choice, he's just told me that death is the only option if I don't help him. That's not true, is it? There's places where he can get help.'_ She thought to herself and he could see her looking out for Horatio. But he could also see that she was letting down her guard and letting her emotions run wild in her head.

"I can't." She shook her head as she looked back up at him. She stepped back and tried to close the door again but he held his foot steady. "Please remove your foot from my door." Zoë asked calmly but firmly.

"Zoë, please, I'm going crazy, I am so unhappy. Please get my job back, I need money. Anything Zoë, what else can I do?" Ryan begged and she exhaled again and gritted her teeth, she tried fighting with her emotions, but she could feel them winning. She knew she needed Horatio there to enforce what she knew needed to be done and that was to walk away from him. She looked back into his eyes and swallowed. She could see the slight manic expression on his face and knew that he was probably slightly unstable, more than likely extremely depressed and sleep deprived.

"Zoë… Zo, please don't think of me as that monster, remember those good times we've had please. I need help, you're the only one I feel I can turn to. Please, help me get back to the good Ryan, the Ryan that you made laugh, the Ryan that made you smile, the Ryan you'd play your games with. The Ryan you saved from drowning when I fell off that dock by that boat explosion. The Ryan you loved to hug. Zoë we had so many good times together, didn't we? You can't deny that." He asked and she exhaled as she ran a hand through her hair and he saw her weakness grow. "That's the Ryan I'm asking you to help, I can't do this myself." He begged her and she exhaled again. She was becoming highly confused, letting her emotions wreak havoc and toy with her heart. '_Where the hell is Horatio?'_ She questioned, feeling tears beginning to form in her eyes. She could feel her heart leaping into her throat as she shook her head.

"You're playing with me, Ryan, please don't do this." She begged when she felt her emotions beginning to run the show.

"I'm not, I'm just asking for help." He asked as he placed his hand on the window panel in the door. She looked down and took another breath.

'_I could just get him a therapist? Perhaps give him some money to tie him over for the month until he gets another job? Look at him, he's begging for help. He's not eaten, he's come to me. Perhaps I was too hard on him? Did I overreact to all of this? I'd have to talk to Horatio, but surely just getting him some help is the best thing? The therapist could also help him with this attraction he has? I don't know, where's Horatio now?'_ She thought to herself. She was dragged from her thoughts when she saw Ryan's facial expression turn evil. He made a move and pulled a cloth from his trouser pocket and placed it over her mouth and nose as he pushed her back against the wall inside the house. He'd taken her completely by surprise so she didn't even have a chance to think about defending herself.

"I tried asking for help, if you're not going to give that to me, I'm going to take it, Zoë." He growled and she saw the immediate change in his personality. She tried pushing him off but he took hold of her neck. She kneed him in his genitals and he backed off. She grabbed for her gun off the side by the door as she brought her foot up to kick him in the side of the head but he took hold of her ankle and pushed her leg up and she fell back and hit her head on the hard tiled floor. She let go the gun seconds before he kicked it away as she brought her hands up to the back of her head, feeling it pound. He quickly knelt down and pushed the cloth back onto her nose and mouth and she tried her best to not breathe, but her natural need for oxygen and her involuntary instinct to breathe kicked in as she struggled against him. She tried to push her thumbs into his eyes but he kept himself at arm's length and his arms were longer than hers. She tried shaking her head as he moved and leant on her thighs so she couldn't try and kick him off in anyway. She tried pressing on his pressure points but he quickly took hold of both of her small wrists with one of his large hands. He could see her weakening, but it was taking longer than he initially anticipated. He could hear her trying to scream out for Horatio, but the cloth muffled her words. He glared down at her, monstrously while her panicked eyes set firmly on evil eyes. Once she was completely out, he got up off her and picked up two pairs of handcuffs from the side table as well as her car keys and her inhaler. He then pulled her up and put her over his shoulder. He quickly ran out and threw her into the front passenger seat of the BMW X6 and slammed the door shut. He realised what he'd done as he looked at her slumped in the seat and swallowed. He ran his hands through his hair as he ran around the car with his heart pumping furiously. He knew it was only a matter of time before Horatio would be back. He jumped into the driver seat and reversed off quickly and drove away without even thinking to put the seatbelts on them.

"Oh no, oh gosh! What have I done?!" Ryan said to himself as he looked over to Zoë slumped in the seat. "I'm going to actually die; H will kill me. What did I do?! Why?!" Ryan said as he quickly weaved through the light traffic. He drove for 20 minutes and then pulled up at a motel and made sure she was okay and breathing when his personality changed again, for the worst.

xxxxxxxx

Horatio jumped out of his car, leaving the milk in the car when he saw the front door wide open and Zoë's car gone. He began to immediately worry as he felt a dark pit form in his stomach as he entered the house.

"Zoë!" Horatio shouted as he picked up his gun from the side table before noticing her gun was on the floor. He quickly scouted the house, often shouting for Zoë before he rang Eric.

"Eric, have you heard anything from Zoë?" He questioned frantically once Eric had picked up.

"No H, I'm sorry." Eric said slightly startled by his tone and urgency. "Is everything okay?" Eric questioned growing concerned.

"No, I've just come home from getting some milk and Zoë's disappeared, the front door was wide open and her gun's on the floor." He said as he saw the piece of white cloth on the floor that had been pushed to the side. He picked it up by the corner and brought it close to his nose, just hoping it was a simple handkerchief. '_That's chloroform.'_ Horatio said as he pushed it away from his nose and looked around, frantically. "I've just found a cloth on the floor and I think it's doused in chloroform." Horatio said as he walked through to the back and brought up the CCTV from moments ago. '_I wasn't gone for long!'_ Horatio shouted at himself in his head.

"I'm on my way over." Eric said sharply as he hung up. Horatio flicked through the CCTV and then saw Ryan standing at the door. He watched her walk away from the door after checking and was glad she did, but he then began to panic when he saw her answering the door when he knocked the 3rd time. He turned the sound up and listened to their conversation. A few minutes later, Eric walked through the still open front door and through to where Horatio was watching the CCTV. Horatio was stood there, one hand covered his gawping mouth, his eyes were glued to the screen.

"It's Wolfe." Horatio said quietly as he continued to glare at the screen. Eric's eyes widened as he looked up at the screen and saw Ryan kneeling on Zoë as she struggled against him. "She didn't answer the door the first time, or the second time, but he didn't leave and knocked louder. He made her feel bad and begged her for help. He's unstable, his personality changed in a split second and that's when he attacked her." Horatio sighed heavily as he placed his hands on his hips and began to tap his belt.

"But he obviously had the intention of doing this otherwise he wouldn't have had a chloroform soaked cloth with him!" Eric said firmly and Horatio nodded as he pressed his lips into a hard line.

"I know." Horatio agreed as he took a deep breath, controlling the internal rage. "I think he's experiencing a breakdown." Horatio growled as he glared up at the screen again to see Ryan lifting Zoë over his shoulder. "I'm not having police involved; in his state of mind right now he could harm Zoë if police got involved." Horatio said as he ran a hand through his hair and then began to track Zoë's phone using Skyler. Eric watched Horatio use the house to track her phone as his mind went blank, he couldn't understand that Ryan would do such a thing. '_Ryan… kidnapping Zoë? This cannot be happening.'_ Eric thought to himself while he pictured Ryan kneeling on Zoë again and swallowed, feeling a pit form in his stomach too.

"I think he's dumped her phone." Horatio said as he walked out with Eric following.

"I'll follow you H." Eric said as Horatio jumped into his car after putting his gun into his holster. They both pulled off and went straight to the location where the house had tracked her phone too and pulled up by the side of the road. Horatio picked her phone up out of the dirt and sighed, he knew she had it in her bra and that Ryan must've taken it out. His anger grew more before he phoned the lab and asked to find her car before hanging up again and looking around for anything. Eric looked around the area, looking for anything that was linked to Ryan or Zoë. Eric swallowed when he saw something glisten in the dirt. He walked over to it and picked it up just as Horatio put the phone back in his pocket and exhaled. Horatio looked down and rubbed his forehead, with the pit in his stomach growing.

"H" Eric called as he picked up the item and turned to Horatio as Horatio made his way over to Eric. "It's her ring." Eric said quietly as he held it out to Horatio. Horatio looked at the ring for a few seconds before he took it from Eric as he swallowed. '_Taking her ring of may be his way of making himself feel better about doing this? What if he threw it away because he doesn't want to think about her being engaged to me? What if that's because he's going to…'_ Horatio stopped his thoughts, he didn't want to think about that at all. Horatio answered his phone immediately as it began to ring. They gave him the location of Zoë's car before Horatio hung up again and looked up at Eric with the feeling of dread take over.

"He's taken her to a motel." Horatio growled as he put the ring in one of his pockets and walked back to his car. Eric quickly followed and climbed into his car once Horatio had got into his 4x4 Porsche. Horatio quickly checked his gun and made sure that there were plenty of rounds in there before he put it back in is holster and pulled off at speed.

xxxxxxx

Zoë opened her eyes and let out a small moan from the headache she had and the nauseous feeling she was getting. She retched when she caught the musty, dirty air hanging in the air. She swallowed as she blinked a few times, looking up at the stained ceiling. '_Where am I?'_ She thought to herself and then looked around the grotty motel room. She then felt the cool breeze move over her body and looked down at herself. She gasped when she realised she didn't have any clothes on, she was completely naked, lying on the brown itchy blanket that covered the bed. '_Wolfe! Wolfe knocked me out! Where is he? Is he the one doing this? He wouldn't, would he?'_ She questioned herself as she frantically looked around the room. She looked over to the window and saw that the curtains were drawn, blocking out all natural light, letting the off-colour light from the light-bulb illuminate the room.

"Horatio!" She tried screaming but nothing came out, she began to hyperventilate as she tried to wrap her arms around herself but felt the bite of cold metal pinch her wrists. Her eyes widened as she looked up at both of her arms, she saw both of her wrists held tightly in the cuffs with the other end of each cuff locked around the bed posts.

"No, oh God no!" She shouted, her voice had finally returned as she tried pulling on the cuffs and began to bring her legs up but soon realised that they too were restrained. She felt the burn of nylon rope eat into her ankles as she pulled on the rope again. She looked down and saw her legs spread, each tied to the two end posts. "No!" She pleaded as she tried pulling on all four posts. Her heart stopped for a brief second when she heard something at the other end of the room. She swallowed as she stopped pulling on the posts and slowly turned her head with wide eyes, hearing the long un-oiled squeak of a door. Her mouth dropped open as Ryan walked out of the bathroom in nothing but his boxers.


	3. Chapter 3

**Warning: Things get ugly...**

**Chapter 3**

She blinked a few times, just hoping that it was her imagination. But it was Ryan, approaching her in his boxers. "No! Ryan! Why!" She begged loudly as she furrowed her eyebrows, completely confused and beginning to panic. "Horatio?!" She screamed as loud as she could but he rushed over to her and pushed his hand over her mouth with a serious, dangerous expression. Her eyes widened as she lowered her eyebrows, looking into his deranged eyes. '_He's raped me, he's already raped me!'_ Zoë screamed in her head as tears began to collect in her eyes.

"Keep your voice down, I don't want to have to gag you." He pleaded her and she began to breathe heavily through her nose before she bit his hand, her tears quickly disappeared as her anger took over the show.

"Jesus Christ, Zoë." He yelped as he removed his hand from her mouth and backed off as he shook his hand. She took a few deep breaths through her dry mouth as she looked up at him, wide-eyed while he began to feel afraid again. She squirmed in the bed again and felt the rough blanket irritating her skin, her breathing developed into hyperventilating again.

"Stay calm, I've got your inhaler in case you have an attack, okay?" He said softly as he approached the bed again after rubbing his hand and examining the teeth marks, she hadn't pierced his skin, but it was close enough. He slowly sat on the edge of the bed and looked up at her, almost sweetly as he tilted his head. She swallowed and tried to get away from him, but she couldn't move away. Instead she turned her head away from him, disgusted by him and his naked body. She closed her eyes and pressed her lips together, trying to keep her breathing calm.

She felt Ryan's sweaty hand take hold of her jaw as he turned her head. She resisted but he used more force, physically turning her head. She clenched her eyes shut, trying to imagine being somewhere else, trying to imagine that she was on a hot beach with Horatio enjoying an ice cold glass of orange juice. "Look at me, now Zoë." Ryan growled and she swallowed as she shook her head. "Look at me, or I'll blow Horatio up. I've installed a bomb under his car, all I have to do is press one button. If you don't look at me, I'll press that button and you'll never see him again." Ryan threatened her and her eyes snapped opened wide immediately. She was unsure if he was telling her the truth, but didn't want to take the chance in case he was. "That's better." Ryan said lightly, studying her horrified frown as he removed his hand from her chin.

"If you hurt Horatio, I will kill you with my bare hands." She threatened lowly with her frown turning sinister. He just looked at her calmly and then looked down to her stomach. He tilted his head to the side as his eyes focussed on her belly button. He smiled lightly as he raised his left hand and circled her belly button with his index finger. "Get your hands off me." She growled at him and he looked back up at her as he removed his hand.

"I need you, I've got nothing in my life now. I want to take care of you, Zoë." He said with his eyes focused on hers. She then watched his eyes move down to follow his hand further down his body. His eyes set on his hand as he placed his hand flat on her thigh above her knee. Zoë's jaw tensed as her eyes fixated on his intensely. He took a steady breath as he began to slowly glide his hand up her smooth thigh with ease. He briefly closed his eyes as his hand got to the top of her thigh.

"Don't touch me! You can get a job! You're not looking hard enough!" Zoë raised her voice and tried to move her leg from under his touch, but could feel the rope burning her ankle. He re-opened his eyes as he moved his hand towards her inner thigh, while his eyes focussed on hers. She took a deep broken breath when she felt him tracing gentle circles into the skin of her thigh, just as Horatio had done the first time she made love with him. She felt her stomach drop, as if she was falling through the air, causing bile to rush up to the back of her throat. She quickly swallowed it back, causing her to retch again.

"I've applied for over 50 jobs, all have turned me down, not even an offer for a meeting." Ryan growled at her as his frown darkened. His fingers stopped their gentle movement as he placed his cold hand flat against her thigh.

She glared at him with a black expression, her mixture of emotions switching from anger to fright to total disarray. "That's not my fault! You brought this on yourself! Don't hurt me for something I didn't do, please! You're the one who took advantage of me!" She growled back and he ran his fingertips up her thigh, causing her to tense her muscles, feeling her skin crawl around the area he was touching her. She just wanted to burn her skin off the more he touched her. She watched his breathing become deeper and animalistic, it sent her heart racing.

"You're so beautiful." He whispered as he looked up at her, lightly moving his fingers over her thighs as she continued to pull on the ropes, hoping to throw his hand off her thigh, but he persisted on stroking her silky smooth skin. She knew he wasn't going to give up.

"Ryan, I can see how badly you've been affected, you need help. What you're experiencing is a breakdown and you're probably suffering from depression. You need help. If you untie me and let me go, I'll get you that help, please." She begged him while her heart continued to pound in her chest. '_Has he raped me? I don't know… could he have raped me? How would I know? I hurt everywhere anyway. He was probably less than gentle with me, would I feel anything down there if he had?' _She thought to herself, she couldn't believe that she was trying to figure out if Ryan had indeed raped her or not. His hand then coasted lightly up from her thigh to her stomach. He placed his hand flat and concentrated on it as he slowly moved it up to meet with the bottom of her ribs. He could feel the strong beating of her heart as soon as his hand stopped over the middle of her chest, between her breasts. She tried fidgeting to get him to remove his hand but he only pressed down on her chest to push her back to the bed.

"Horatio will kill you." She growled at him but he didn't even seem to acknowledge her. '_Horatio will be here, he will find me. He has to. I need him._' She thought to herself as she watched his eyes wander back up to hers after focussing on his hand between her breasts. Fear took over again as he removed his hand and moved a little closer. She swallowed as he slowly lowered himself to the bed to lie next to her, causing her to struggle more, trying her best to get away from him. She could feel the metal and rope biting her skin but she didn't care at all, all she wanted was to get as far away from that situation as she could.

She turned her head to look at him as he laid on her left, he gazed into her terrified eyes as he laid on his side. "I saw marks on your back… he's too rough with you, Zoë. You need to be treated with care. I'll treat you with that care." Ryan said as he looked into her eyes and continued to caress the skin on her hip. Her eyes widened more as her eyebrows lowered as much as they could while a disgusted, yet dumfounded scowl fleeted across her face.

"Get your hands off me! They aren't from Horatio you moron! Horatio's never hurt me! You know I had a rough childhood! They're scars left by my father, he abused me Ryan! You know that!" Zoë raised her voice as she snapped at him and managed to elbow him in the head, at the expense of a very painful wrist. Her rage and anger had grown again as she glared at him with a sinister expression.

"He abused you?" Ryan questioned as he composed himself and moved his head away from arm so she couldn't repeat the action.

"Yes! I thought you'd guessed that! I thought you knew that! Not only did he abuse me mentally and physically, but sexually too, that's why I was so distraught, why I was so scared of you! I trusted you and you abused me like he did." Zoë pleaded as a tear fell from her eye. She shook her head and looked up at the dirty ceiling, feeling the tear slowly make its way down to her temple and run into her hair. She gritted her teeth as she pressed her lips together and took a few deep breaths while she pulled on the posts again. Her stress was climbing dramatically, not only had he tied her to the bed, but he was reminding her off her childhood. '_I can't take this, I need Horatio!'_ She thought to herself. "Let me go please Ryan!" She pleaded him as she looked at him and continued to struggle. She swallowed and stilled as she felt his hand moved to her ribs as he began to trace the scar left from her childhood. She then felt him trace the scar left by the bullet that penetrated her stomach when she tried to protect Horatio.

"Even with these minor blemishes, your skin is still flawless." Ryan sighed softly as his eyes travelled down her body. "Let me have you please Zoë, be mine." Ryan asked as he began to stroke her stomach. He could feel her tense muscles, then felt them relaxing more when they got slightly tired only to tense hard again.

"No! I'm Horatio's and always will be!" She barked sharply, ferociously as she lifted her head to scowl at him as she tightened her lips.

His facial expression tightened as he quickly rose and leant over her, placing both hands either side of her as he leant in close, trying to intimidate her. "If you won't willingly be mine, I will claim you as mine, you will be mine, you will know that you are mine." He growled at her, inches from her face. She continued with her hard glare, until he brought his face closer, puckering his lips. She quickly turned her head and felt him place a kiss on her cheek. She swallowed and then head-butted him.

"Touch me again with those lips and I'll break your teeth off." She growled at him. He just looked at her with a hard expression himself as he pulled his head away, far enough so she couldn't reach him.

"Horatio won't want you anymore, he never wanted you, he wanted your body and beauty. He won't want to touch you ever again, not after this. Horatio doesn't love you, Zoë. I love you, no-one can ever love you like I love you. Horatio will cheat behind your back, he's probably in someone else's bed right now. Does he go out often alone? Horatio doesn't trust you, he doesn't even like you most of the time. He just feels guilty about letting Maya die, he's with you out of pity. I'll be with you for love, I'll be there for you every minute of the waking day." Ryan growled at her and she could see the severe delusion and psychosis he was experiencing. She knew that it wasn't Ryan at all. She swallowed and turned her head again. She didn't want to believe him, but there was that niggling feeling at the back of her head that was telling her it was true. '_No! It's not true! He's using your feelings, he knows I believe those who have had an impact on my life. I'm not going to believe him.'_ She told herself, she did know it wasn't true, she knew he was deranged.

Ryan sat back and laid back on his side again as he moved his hand to her lower abdomen. She clenched her teeth tightly when she felt his fingers at one end of the scar across her lower abdomen, left from the surgery she had when she lost her baby. Her heart pounded more until she felt it suddenly stop for a second while a feeling of impending doom encapsulated her. She knew that the pacemaker had shocked her. She felt her heartbeat lessen and calm immediately. "Ryan please don't." She begged when she felt him trace the scar. She felt her heartbeat pick up again, beginning to pound in her chest again. She felt his fingers smoothly glide from one end of the scar to the other. He repeated the action as he looked up at her. "I wish Maya was mine, I would have never let anyone hurt either of you. Horatio let her die, he didn't want her. He wanted her to die. Horatio didn't care about her at all. He didn't care about the baby he'd put in you; he didn't want to bring a life into this world with you. He didn't want to share something so special with you." He growled and Zoë swallowed as she tried to ignore him while she shook her head and clenched her eyes closed. "Why don't you think he was sad about it? He didn't care, Zoë. He–" He began again as he looked back down to his fingers on her scar.

"Shut up! Ryan, no please!" She begged him as he moved closer to her. He felt the skin of his chest touch the side of hers, causing her skin to crawl again.

"It's true, Zoë. I wouldn't lie to you, would I? I would have run to Hell and back for you and Maya. I would have saved her from that monster. I would have never left you in the first place. I would have quit work, I would have taken care of you constantly, I would have protected you. Horatio left you, knowing you were in danger, he knew what was going to happen, he–" Ryan said but was cut off again.

"Shut up!" She screamed at him, he knew that in her stressed, vulnerable state she was very susceptible to suggestion, he knew he was putting the idea in her head and that it would continue to multiply until she couldn't take it.

"He killed her, Zoë." He whispered when his hand travelled lower. She clenched her jaw and eyes, trying to ignore him still, but his words had already began to replay in her head.

She shook her head. "No! No, no, NO!" She shouted as she shook her head, fighting with everything she had to disregard it all. "Get your filthy hands off me." She shouted when she felt him touch her in her private area. He looked up at her and then leant closer, allowing her to feel his hard-on against her hip. She could feel her heart pounding, but she didn't want to feel pounding, she wanted to feel it stop all together.

'_Why do I have a bloody pacemaker?! I want to arrest now! I want to die! I don't want him to do this to me! Please, let me go! I want the pacemaker to break!'_ She begged in her mind. He brought his hand back up and cupped her breast and studied the other one intensely as he lightly squeezed her right breast, gently massaging it. She hyperventilated as her mind went blank, she didn't know what to think, she didn't know whether she was going to be saved or whether she was going to be left to be destroyed by Ryan. '_Maybe Ryan is right, maybe Horatio doesn't care, which is why he's not here now?'_ She found herself questioning herself but she quickly shook her head. _'No! Don't let him get to you! Horatio is the most amazing man on this Earth.'_ She thought to herself, trying to concentrate on Horatio, wanting to believe that he would save her. She was pulled from her thoughts when she felt his lips connect with her left nipple. She began to panic more. '_This is really happening, it's not my demented imagination tormenting me, this is real, he's really doing this to me.'_ She thought to herself as she tried to move away from his touch and lips but he held her down and still.

"You're so beautiful, you're perfect Zoë." He said as his lips moved against her nipple. He then began to mouth at her nipple, using his tongue.

"Stop it please Ryan! Don't do this to me!" She begged him desperately. She felt his teeth close around her nipple and she yelped as she tried to move away, feeling the bite of the metal and rope once more. But he leant on her more, pushing her into the bed as his teeth closed harder as his other hand squeezed her other breast. "Ouch! Ryan! Don't! You're hurting me! Please stop!" She begged him and he quickly released her and laid back. She frowned, slightly confused that he had let go of her but then realised he was pulling his boxers off.

"NO! RYAN!" She screamed as he sprang out of his boxers before he threw them to the floor. He quickly covered her mouth with a dangerous glare.

"Don't scream." He said forcefully and she nodded when she felt his other hand grip her breast tightly. He released her mouth and then continued to massage her breasts as she gritted her teeth. She closed her eyes trying to escape from what was happening, he was also hurting her. He was being too rough and her nipple was throbbing from where he'd bitten her.

He moved to sit between her legs as he looked up at her. "You are mine." He said softly, as he placed his hands on her thighs. She tried her very best to close her legs but the rope was bound too tightly. She shook her head as she looked up at him, knowing he was so close to her. She felt the pacemaker shock her again as her heart rate had gone from pounding rapidly to a slow steady beat until it picked up again.

"I'll do anything Ryan if you stop, please!" She begged him as she shook her head frantically while she constantly moved in hope of annoying him so much that he'd stop.

"Be mine!" Ryan asked firmly.

"Anything but that." She said and he began to move up. He placed his hands either side of her waist as he bent down and kissed her breast again.

"Ryan! Stop please, I'll do anything. Don't do this! If you don't do this I'll forgive you for everything!" She begged frantically. He looked up at her and moved closer and then began to kiss the top of her chest. She hyperventilated again as she squirmed underneath him, hating his very existence. "No! I'll get your job back! I'll forgive you and get your job back, I promise!" She begged but he continued. '_What else can I say?! What else can I do!? Lie! Lie to him, he might stop then, surely?' _She questioned herself in her head as she breathed rapidly and shallowly. She felt his breath escape rhythmically from his nose while his mouth didn't ever lose contact with her breast.

"Please stop! I'm trying for a baby with Horatio! Don't do this to me! I want his baby, you could get me pregnant! Please don't Ryan! I'll get your job back and I'll forgive you if you stop now, I promise!" She begged and he looked up at her, he stopped what he was doing, but something was telling her that he was only just starting. He could see the glint in his eyes as she felt the tears beginning to form in hers. '_He's not going to stop, is he? If there's a time for me to black out, it's now.'_ She thought to herself, hoping to blackout so she didn't experience it.


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

"Even better, I'll have a child with you, you can't rid the father of your baby from its life. I want a baby with you, Zoë. A baby with you would be amazing, you could be the mother of my child. Horatio wouldn't want you, I'd get you all to myself, I'd have you and your baby." He said and she could see the severe delusion on his face and knew that he didn't even know what he was doing.

"Ryan, please don't do this to me. I beg you, I will do anything. Please don't ruin my life, I will forgive you and get you help." She said as she began to cry hysterically as she shook her head. "I promise you Ryan, I really do, I promise to forgive you, get you help and get your job back! Don't do this! Don't! Please don't!" She shouted and he looked up at her and she saw that the Ryan she knew was coming back. She saw the sheer panic in his eyes, as well as confusion. He studied her face and watched the tears flow rapidly from her eyes as she shook her head. He began to back off from her with a horrified expression just as the door was kicked off its hinges and Horatio rushed in with his gun drawn. He immediately fired the weapon and Ryan fell off the other side of the bed.

"Zoë! Zoë, beautiful, are you okay?" Horatio questioned as he put his gun away and ran over to the bed and took his jacket off. Eric entered after Horatio and then put his gun away when he didn't see any threat. She turned her head and continued to cry as she looked up at Horatio, unable to speak due to the very large lump in her throat. He threw the jacket over her as he leant down and placed a kiss on her forehead as he threaded a hand through her hair, trying to calm her before he released her. A few moments later he removed his hand from her hair as he stood up and climbed onto the bed to take hold of the nylon rope. He quickly untied her ankles and she pulled her legs closed and close to her as she sobbed and watched Horatio's frantic actions.

"You're safe, I've got you." Horatio said as he pulled two keys from his trouser pocket and quickly unlocked the two cuffs holding her arms to the bed. He quickly pulled her up and embraced her in a hug, threading one hand in her hair, holding her head against his. He tried soothing her, but nothing seemed to be working. He knew it must have been a traumatic situation for her. "You're safe" Horatio whispered into her ear as he ran his fingers down her spine, then back up her spine while he played with her hair.

"Horatio" she cried as she took fistfuls of his shirt and shook her head. Horatio could feel the wild beating of her heart against his chest, he knew she was utterly terrified. Eric quickly radioed for two ambulances while he stood at the other side of the bed, at Ryan's feet while he glared down at him.

"You're safe Zoë, I've got you, I'm never letting you go. You're safe." He assured her but she remained hysterical as she shook her head. Horatio tried kissing her temple but she just shook her head and he knew that it was probably too much for her at that moment in time. He could feel his shirt beginning to feel damp where she was crying into it. His heart broke with every tear she shed while he began to feel guilty, once more. "I'm never letting go of you Zoë, you're safe." He tried assuring her again, but knew that nothing was going to be able to calm her down.

"H, he's losing a lot of blood, I think he's still alive." Eric said quietly but Horatio ignored him as he closed his eyes as he steadied his breathing out, remaining calm for Zoë while he buried his rage down deep, saving the burst of anger for another time.

"Are you hurt, beautiful?" Horatio asked softly, quietly.

"I don't know" she cried, but her cry was muffled by his shirt as she shook her head again and tightened her grip on his light blue shirt.

"Did he manage to do anything?" Horatio asked shakily, afraid of the answer.

"I don't know!" She shouted as she shook her head as she wasn't sure if he'd done anything while she was unconscious as he walked out in his boxers. Horatio let go of her with one hand and pulled the blanket up and over her shoulders but she refused to let go of him. He swallowed and nodded, he knew he should probably stop questioning her as he was only stressing her out more.

"Where were you? I needed you!" She cried into Horatio's chest after moving her head from his shoulder to listen to the beating of his heart in hope of it calming her down.

"I got held up in traffic, I'm so sorry Zoë. I'm so sorry." He said quietly as he rubbed her back and glanced up to Eric who was quietly talking on the phone, glaring down at Ryan, disgusted.

"He was too strong." She cried as she let go of his shirt and placed her hands flat against his back.

"I know sweetheart, I saw. I'm so sorry." Horatio said as he rubbed her back and played with her hair continuously.

"You said he'd never hurt me again, you promised me." She cried and Horatio's heart was breaking more.

"I know sweetheart, I'm so sorry. But we should have put him in prison." Horatio said quietly, knowing what she said was true, but knew if he had been put in prison, she wouldn't have had to go through with this trauma. He felt her tense as she held her breath.

She pulled away from him and frowned at him with continuous tears pouring down her cheeks. "Are you saying this is my fault?" She questioned as she placed her hands on his chest and then pushed him away. He quickly crouched beside the bed and looked up at her, furrowing his brow with soft eyes.

"No, not at all Zoë. Not at all, none of this is your fault." Horatio said frantically as he watched her hyperventilate in front of him, looking slightly unsteady. She was probably feeling slightly dizzy from so much hyperventilating.

"H, I'm losing him." Eric said as he looked up at Horatio while he crouched beside Ryan with two fingers on his neck. "Wolfe, stay with us." Eric said loudly as he looked back down to Ryan.

"Just let him die." Horatio growled bitterly as he held his hand out to Zoë. She quickly took his hand again and pulled him closer as she looked into his pained eyes.

"I'm sorry." She apologised to him as she wrapped her arms back around him, feeling the warmth of his body transfer into her cool, slightly clammy skin. He could still feel her hyperventilating and knew it wasn't doing her any good at all.

"Don't apologise for anything Zoë, it's okay beautiful. Try and calm your breathing for me please, focus on my breathing, I've got you. You're safe, just focus on me and my breathing." Horatio said softly as she took a deep breath and moved her head to nestle her forehead against his neck. He knew she needed his comfort desperately, he knew that she was feeling at least a little safer in his arms. "I love you, Zoë. You're doing really well, you're safe." He assured her as he closed his eyes and listened to her slow her breathing slightly. He heard Eric exhale heavily but still couldn't find any sort of compassion or remorse for what he'd done to Ryan. "That's it, slow your breathing." He said warmly as he lightly ran his fingers through her hair.

4 paramedics rushed into the room, Eric quickly looked round to them with wide, panicked eyes. "This is Ryan Wolfe, gunshot to genitals, bleeding profusely, he's barely conscious." Eric said loudly and 3 broke off and tended to him when the female paramedic gestured to them. The female paramedic slowly approached Zoë and Horatio and sat on the edge of the bed at the end, it was clear what had happened so she was delicate in how she held herself and why she had sent her male partner to help the other ambulance crew for a moment.

"I'm Gabby, I'm a paramedic, can you tell me your name, ma'am?" She asked very softly as Zoë moved closer to Horatio, moving to sit on his thighs as he was kneeling on the bed. She felt threatened by the woman so needed more comfort from Horatio.

"Not Gabby, she tried to kill me." Zoë whispered as she turned her head away from the young female to Horatio and gripped him tighter, pulling her closer to his body as he turned his head to look at the young red-headed woman.

"May you refer to yourself as Gabriella if that is your full name?" Horatio asked softly and she nodded with a warm smile. Horatio's eyes quickly scanned her, studying her uniform with a stethoscope dangling around her neck.

"My name is Gabriella, I'm not going to hurt you ma'am." She said very warmly, but Zoë continued to hide against Horatio.

"She's not going to hurt you, Zoë. I'm here, I've got you, you're safe." Horatio said warmly himself and then felt Zoë release her grip on him a little. She swallowed as she took a deep breath and then lifted her head to look up at Horatio. Horatio quickly gave her a small nod to tell her to go on.

"What's your name, ma'am, can you talk to me?" She asked softly once Zoë looked to her while she blinked constantly, trying to rid the tears from her eyes.

"Zoë Caine" Zoë whispered as she took a tight hold of Horatio's shirt in both of her fists, she was clearly very scared, very untrusting and very tense.

"Zoë Chambers." Horatio corrected Zoë softly as he looked to the paramedic. The paramedic gave him a nod, believing him over her as it was clear she wasn't thinking too clearly. Horatio looked back to Zoë with a soft expression. "We're not married yet sweetheart." Horatio said softly and she looked up at him with her eyes watering again as her bottom lip trembled. She took a broken breath as her eyes shot around his face, from his eyes, to his hairline, to his nose and finally to his lips.

"Okay Miss Chambers, may I take your pulse?" She asked softly but Zoë burst into tears again as she buried her head into Horatio's chest. She began to cry loudly once again as she shook her head. She tried her best to concentrate on his breathing in order to control hers, but it just wasn't going to work for her.

"It's okay sweetheart, I've got you." Horatio said warmly as he took a light hold of her hand and then ran his thumb over her knuckles. He raised her hand to his lips and lightly kissed the back of her hand before he slowly held her arm out as he gave the paramedic a nod. She then took Zoë's pulse while Horatio still had a hold of her hand.

"Do you have any known medical conditions, Miss Chambers?" The paramedic questioned warmly as she looked up at Horatio and ignored the 3 other paramedics while they were very noisy. She let go of Zoë's wrist and allowed Horatio to bring her hand back, closer to their bodies as he placed it down on her thigh, slowly.

"She suffers with asthma and has a pacemaker to prevent ventricular fibrillation." Horatio said softly and the paramedic nodded while he wrapped his arm around her once he'd let go of her hand and felt her make a fist with her hand on his thigh.

"Are you hurt anywhere, Miss Chambers?" She asked softly as she quickly wrote Zoë's pulse rate down on her purple nitrile glove.

"I don't know." She cried as Horatio pulled the blanket around her tighter, but he could feel that the blanket was rough and was probably going to irritate her sensitive skin. He didn't have anything else to cover her with though.

"Okay, I need to get you into the ambulance to look at you and I need to get an ECG recording, is that okay?" She asked softly as she tilted her head at both Horatio and Zoe.

"I don't want to go, Horatio." She begged him as she removed her hand from his thigh and took a fistful of his shirt again.

"We need to go to the hospital sweetheart, I'm right by your side, I'm not going to leave you. I promise you." He said as he rubbed her back. He felt her take a few deep breaths while she thought about it. She listened to Horatio's heartbeat while the seconds ticked away. She eventually nodded against his chest as she took a deep, broken breath.

"Please don't leave me." She whispered into his chest, then felt his gentle hand move into her hair.

"I promise." He said warmly before he kissed the top of her head.

"Well done Miss Chambers, are you okay to walk or would you like me to get the chair?" She asked softly.

"Horatio" she said as she placed her hand against the side of his neck after she pulled her head back slightly to look up into his eyes. '_How is she going to get over this experience? She's on her limits of what she can take, this world can't throw anything more at her, surely?'_ Horatio thought to himself as he gave her a small reassuring smile as he cupped her cheek delicately and glanced back to the paramedic.

"I'll take her." Horatio said softly and waited for the paramedic to nod at him. Zoë slowly moved from his thighs and knelt on the bed herself as she held the scratchy brown blanket around her with Horatio's jacket covering her thighs. Horatio slowly made his way off the bed, doing his best to make sure he didn't use any sudden movements. As he got up he glanced back to see her clothes sprawled across the stained deep red carpet by the bedside cabinet. Zoë looked down at her clothes and then looked up at him with pleading eyes.

"You can't put them on Zoë, they're evidence, I'm sorry beautiful." Horatio said softly as he crouched in front of her and looked up at her with sorrowful eyes, feeling bag that he wasn't able to give her what she wanted.

"Then I'm not going!" She cried as she looked down and covered her face with her arms as she began to sob loudly again. Horatio exhaled while he rubbed his weary brow and studied her. '_I won't get her to that hospital unless I give her the clothes. Think about it, if I'd gone through what she'd just gone through, I wouldn't want to go anywhere without clothes, I wouldn't want to be just wrapped in a blanket._' Horatio thought to himself before he pivoted on the balls of his feet to clutch both the jogging bottoms and her top and turned back to Zoë.

"You can have your jogging bottoms and top, sweetheart." Horatio sighed softly and then watched her lift her head to look at him, to check whether he was being serious. She swallowed and then wiped her eyes with the back of her right hand as she nodded at him. The paramedic got up and turned around to check up on the 3 other paramedics as they stabilised Ryan. Horatio quickly put her top on when she dropped the itchy blanket from her shoulders. He then gently took her hands and encouraged her to shuffle forwards on the bed and dangle her legs over the edge so he could get jogging bottoms on her while she continued to try and wipe her eyes as she watched him put both of her feet through the bottoms and then pull them up to her knees. She stood and then felt him pull them all the way up before he tied them at her waist.

"I didn't do that." Horatio said quietly and softly and she nodded, she knew he shouldn't have done it as he'd probably get in trouble for disturbing evidence. She then looked down as she felt another torrent of emotion slap her in the face. She quickly covered her face with her hands as she sat back down, only to be swept straight back up again into Horatio's strong, protective arms. Eric looked round to see him walking out with Zoë in his arms and the paramedic following. He swallowed and felt terrible for Zoë. He was still mortified that Ryan had done such a thing to her. He was still disgusted with Ryan, but could feel a little bit of remorse for him as he lie on the floor barely conscious and now on a lot of strong painkillers. Horatio got her into one of the ambulances and then placed her on the bed with the paramedic very close behind them.

"Miss Chambers, I need to check you over fully, is that okay?" The paramedic asked softly as she tilted her head at Zoe.

"No!" Zoë snapped as she sat up and shook her head as she pulled her knees up to her chest and hugged them tightly. She placed her chin on her knees and closed her eyes, she tried to control her breathing as much as she could, but she could feel herself getting worked up again.

"I can't help you if you don't let me check you over." The paramedic said warmly as she sat in the seat beside Horatio and placed a hand on the bed, lowering her head to get a look at Zoë's face.

"We need to check sweetheart, he could have raped you, we need to know." Horatio said softly as he got up and sat on the edge of her bed as he placed his left arm around her back while he placed his right against her shin. She swallowed and then lifted her head to look up at Horatio. She blinked a few times as she looked into his encouraging eyes.

"Nathan, only Nathan no one else." She said as she released her legs and pulled him in closer. "Please, only Nathan." She begged as she placed her head against his chest and Horatio nodded as his right hand found it's way into her slightly knotty hair.

"Okay" he said warmly as he looked down and lightly kissed the top of her head whilst he rubbed her back. He then held his lips and nose to her head for a few seconds before he lifted his head to look at the paramedic. "We'll have the doctor check her over." Horatio said to the paramedic who nodded silently. She clearly wasn't too happy, but she could understand.

"Can I get an ECG recording?" The paramedic asked warmly and Zoë shook her head and then looked away and down at the bed while Horatio continued to try and soothe her.

"Do you love me?" Zoë whispered as she looked up at Horatio with tears in her eyes.

"Yes, of course I love you, beautiful. I love you so much." Horatio said warmly, slightly startled by the confused and unsure tone she'd used to ask him. She swallowed and then nodded slowly as she looked down to the wet patch on his light blue shirt where her tears had soaked the cotton shirt by his shoulder and in the middle of the shirt by his buttons.

"Zoë, can you please lie down for me? Your pulse was fast in there, I just need you to lie down. I'm not going to touch you." The paramedic asked tenderly and Horatio nodded at Zoë as he removed his arms from her.

"I'm still right here." Horatio assured her and then slowly helped her to lay down as he got up and sat back down, having turned so he could face her while she lied back.

"I'm going to phone Nathan, okay?" Horatio asked and she nodded. She swallowed as he placed his hand on her stomach and smiled warmly at her. She placed her hand over his as she watched him talk on the phone. She swallowed once he'd hung up, he hadn't mentioned what happened but warned him to be on standby for Zoë. Horatio then moved to the empty seat beside the paramedic and took hold of Zoë's hand. It wasn't comfortable for him sitting on the edge of the bed. Zoë quickly began to sit up after he'd put his phone away.

"Miss Chambers please stay laying down." The paramedic said as she reached out to stop Zoë from getting up.

"Don't touch me." Zoë warned as she got up and then sat on Horatio's lap and hugged him closely. He had a feeling that she'd sit on him if he moved, so he lightly placed his arms around her. She rested her head on Horatio's shoulder as his left arm wrapped itself around her lower back and held onto her waist, lightly. While his other arm rested over her thighs as he listened to her steady breathing. He could feel one of her hands in his hair as she closed her eyes, finally feeling a little safer. The paramedic let her do what she wanted and then got up as her partner came out of the motel room. She got out of the ambulance and updated him, having a brief discussion.

"Eric." Horatio said loudly as Eric walked past the back of the ambulance, following Ryan who was heavily sedated. Eric stopped and then climbed into the ambulance, he could see that Horatio wanted to tell him something.

"How are you doing Zoë?" Eric asked as he placed his hand on her upper arm. She looked away and buried her face into the side of Horatio's neck. Horatio slowly shook his head at Eric with a gentle sigh. "I'm going to travel with Wolfe." Eric said softly and Horatio nodded as his expression hardened almost immediately.

"Make sure he doesn't leave your sight." Horatio said bitterly as he cradled Zoë tightly and Eric nodded silently. He backed out and walked over to the other ambulance, he felt worse for Zoe.

"I promised him forgiveness and his job back if he didn't do it to me, he was just moving away as you walked through the door. I have to keep my promise, Horatio." She whispered as she placed a hand flat against his chest. Horatio blinked a couple of times in disbelief. '_She's not thinking straight.' _ He thought to himself as he took a deep breath, pushing his anger back down into the pit in his stomach.

"We'll talk about that later beautiful." Horatio said softly as he gently rubbed her side and thigh. The paramedics split and they drove off, taking both Zoë and Ryan to hospital in separate ambulances.

"How is he?" Zoë questioned the paramedic after a couple of minutes of silence.

"He's losing a lot of blood, but he should be okay." She replied softly as she looked up at Zoë while she filled out a form.

"Where was he shot?" Zoë questioned quietly.

"His testicles" she replied as she briefly looked up at Zoë and Horatio.

Zoë frowned and then turned her head to look at Horatio. "You shot him in his testicles?" Zoë questioned Horatio. He frowned back at her, feeling very sensitive about the entire subject.

"Where else was I supposed to shoot him? I just shot as soon as I entered. Would you rather I shot him through the head?" Horatio questioned a little too sharply and she remained silent as she began to cry again. She sat up straight and turned away from him as she covered her face. She tried to get up, but Horatio held her on her lap as the ambulance was moving. "I'm sorry sweetheart, I didn't mean to snap." Horatio said softly before she began to relax and stop struggling against him. She swallowed as she looked back round to him. "I'm sorry." He said again and she took a deep breath as she put her head back on his shoulder. She remained silent throughout the journey to hospital until Nathan appeared at the back of the ambulance.

"What's the problem? I've not been given any details other than your call Horatio. Even that was a quick vague call. I've also just seen Ryan admitted with a gunshot." He said as Horatio got up with Zoë in his arms. He cradled her close to his chest whilst she refused to look at anything but his light blue shirt.

"We need a private room." Horatio said softly as he carefully stepped out of the ambulance.

"Okay, that's fine, what's the problem though, I need to know what I'm dealing with." Nathan said softly as he pulled a wheelchair over and Horatio gently placed her in the chair. Nathan delicately placed his hand on her shoulder while his other gripped the wheelchair. He then looked up at Horatio, awaiting a response from him as it was clear that he wasn't going to get anything from Zoë.

"Zoë may have been raped, she only wants you to check, no-one else." Horatio said quietly and Nathan frowned deeply at Horatio, absolutely shocked.

"What?" Nathan mouthed to Horatio, silently, thinking he'd mis-heard Horatio, but Horatio slowly nodded, not looking too impressed with Nathan. Nathan gently put a blanket around her and watched as she pulled it tighter and looked down. '_Why would she want Nathan looking at her? I'm not all that comfortable with it, let alone her being comfortable with it. Surely she'd want a female doctor to take a look? Zoë's very private, she doesn't even like it if I take a quick cheeky look when we're in the shower. Perhaps she'll change her mind once we're in there?'_ Horatio thought to himself, hoping that she'd change her mind because he didn't really want Nathan checking her over so intimately. '_He doesn't have feelings for her anymore though, since finding out about the both of us he's been very professional yet friendly with us. I know he doesn't like her in that way anymore. But it still feels slightly wrong for him to be checking her out when he used to like her.'_ Horatio thought to himself as they began to walk over to the entrance. Horatio walked closely to the wheelchair with his hand on Zoë's shoulder while she continued to look down at the floor in front of the wheel chair. '_I guess she does trust him with her life, I do too. I guess that's what she needs at the moment, someone she can really trust.' _Horatio thought to himself while the paramedic talked quietly with Nathan, handing him the form she'd filled out.

"Okay sweet, we're going to get you through now." Nathan said softly, immediately quietening his voice and softening his stance as they walked in. He took them through to a private room, no-where near the cubicles. Nathan made sure that the door was closed and turned to see Horatio crouched in front of Zoë trying his best to comfort her.

"Can you hop onto the bed please, Zoë." Nathan asked softly as he pulled a pair of gloves on. She silently moved over to the bed and looked down at her hands as she rested them on her stomach. She focused solely on her hands, trying to keep herself calm.

"Do you want Horatio to wait outside while I get one of our sexual assault specialists in?" Nathan asked softly and she shook her head as she pressed her lips together.

"Only you, please." She whispered as a few tears fell from her eyes.

"Zoë, you will probably be more comfortable with a female physician looking at you sweet. I could get one of our sexual assault nurses in here, they're very good at their jobs. I don't think you really want me looking at you." Nathan said warmly as he looked from Zoë to Horatio briefly and saw the slight look of relief on Horatio's face. He could see that Horatio wanted a female checking her over but Zoë shook her head.

"No. Only you." She whispered again while she concentrated on her fingers and swallowed. '_I guess she does need someone who she trusts. I think I'd be the same, wouldn't I? I don't know, I've never been put in that situation.'_ Horatio thought to himself as he looked back to Nathan and gave him a nod. He lightly pressed his lips together and then drew the bed curtain around.

"Okay sweet, I'll talk you through what's going to happen and then you can decide if you want me or if you'd want a female staff member to check you over okay?" Nathan asked warmly. She just stared at her hands. "Zoë, we're going to need to ask you some questions, some will be quite personal, but other's will be general questions. We'll also have to inform the police and they'll send some officers down, unless Horatio can do that. I'm not sure how you guys really work. Then you'll be examined head to toe for anything before being examined internally for any signs of genital damage and there will be samples taken okay? Do you understand all of that?" Nathan asked warmly.

"I know what happens, I've stood in on plenty of these. I don't want a female, I want you. Don't you understand that? I only want you to check me over!" She snapped at him as she lifted her head to glare at him with icy eyes.

"Okay Zoë, try and keep yourself calm sweet. You're safe here. I'm going to start off by asking you a few general questions." Nathan said warmly and then began while she swallowed and closed her mouth to breathe through her nose. She only opened her mouth to answer him but continued to breathe through her nose. "Well done Zoë, you're doing really well. I'm going to ask you some things about todays attack now. I need you to try and keep calm. If you need a few seconds to yourself, just tell me and I'll give you some space. I'm also going to do a few checks while I ask the questions if necessary okay?" Nathan said warmly and she swallowed as she nodded.

"Were you knocked out at all?" Nathan asked and she nodded, silently as she maintained her concentration on her hands as she began to bite her lip.

"Chloroform, Zoë also had a knock to the back of the head." Horatio said softly and Nathan nodded and then looked into her eyes as she focused on her hands. He managed to successfully check her pupils and deemed them to be reacting perfectly. He quickly stood back up and gently felt the back of her head, he made sure he used small movements so he didn't startle her.

"Okay Zoë, I'm going to take a quick look at your hands and wrists, I can see that you've been bound. I'm not going to hurt you okay? Can you tell me what you were bound with?" Nathan asked and she nodded and then handed him her hands. She swallowed as she looked down at her thighs while Nathan gently took her hands.

"Handcuffs on my wrists and rope around my ankles." Zoë replied with a whisper as he checked for any skin under her nails but they were clean as a whistle. He then checked her wrists over closely, but the cuffs hadn't cut her so he was happy. He then carefully checked her ankles out but she only had minor irritation. He got a few samples of the rope that had been deposited on her skin before he cleaned and bandaged them. He continued to ask her the questions with regard to the attack and she answered where she could.

"Well done Zoë. Now comes the physical examination. Are you sure you want me?" Nathan asked gently.

"Yes, I want you." She replied firmly as she tightened her lips and he nodded.

"Okay, I need you to undress for me please sweet? I'm going to step behind the curtain for a moment. I need you to put your clothes in this bag." Nathan said as he placed the bag on the end of the bed. He looked up at her when he didn't get a response from her.

"She's blacked out, Nathan." Horatio said as he placed his hand on her shoulder and looked to Nathan.

"Okay, well we'll wait until she comes around." Nathan said warmly and Horatio nodded. Horatio lightly began to rub her cheek delicately while she looked up at her hands blankly.

"How many times has she blacked out since the attack?" Nathan asked gently.

"First one I think." Horatio replied and Nathan nodded as he lightly sighed. Zoë came back around again and looked up at Horatio while he continued to stroke her cheek.

"Can you please get undressed Zoë, then place the towels over your breasts and your hips when you're back on the bed?" Nathan asked and she nodded, he then stepped behind the curtain and allowed her to take her top off and put it in the bag. '_I cannot believe Ryan did this to her. I have to say, I would have shot him through the head, but I guess through the testicles is good enough, that way he can see life from behind bars.'_ Nathan thought to himself.

"Okay sweetheart. You're fine." Horatio said warmly when she blacked out again. He gently moved her to lie back before he lifted her hips himself and gently took her jogging bottoms off himself. He then covered her with the towels before putting the trousers in the bag. He turned back to her as she began to come back around and began to play with her fingers again. Horatio placed his hand on the top of her head as he stepped close to the bed as he called Nathan back round the curtain. He stepped up to her and gave her a gentle expression.

"I'm going to feel your stomach, okay?" Nathan said and she nodded as she looked up at the ceiling and pressed her lips together again. Horatio could see that she was fighting against a variety of emotions, he could see her facial expression change rapidly as she re-lived the situation. He exhaled, feeling terrible for her as well as exceptionally guilty, just like usual when Zoë was involved in anything bad. Nathan gently felt her stomach and Horatio could see her becoming agitated, so stepped back to give her space.

"Zoë, I'm just going to remove this towel to check your breasts over, okay?" Nathan asked and she nodded at him and pulled it back herself. Horatio heard Nathan exhale with concern and looked over to him while he examined one of Zoë's breasts. "Zoë, can you tell me what happened here?" Nathan asked softly as he looked up at her after he had checked her breast that was red and sore, not to mention slightly swollen around the nipple.

Zoë took a deep broken breath as her face contorted into a hunted expression while she closed her watery eyes, each releasing a tear. "He bit me." Zoë said quietly and they heard the break in her voice. Both of their hearts sank, they heard the utter torment she was going through just by hearing those 3 words. Horatio pressed his lips together, feeling his anger building again as he looked up at the pale blue wall. Seeing Zoë so upset, so hurt and all because of Ryan was making it exceptionally hard for him to keep his cool. He looked back down to her as she exhaled a sharp breath and he knew he had to keep his cool for her sake. He could see her vulnerability, her need and it gave him the strength to once again bury the internal rage.

"Okay sweet, it's okay. I'm just going to clean this up, okay? You're doing really well." Nathan said warmly and she nodded as she raised a hand to her face and covered her eyes as she began to cry again. Horatio was unsure if it was okay to approach her, so thought it was best to keep his distance unless she reached out for him, clearly indicating that she wanted his comfort. He knew that he could possibly make her worse if he got too close to her, he didn't want to cause her more distress if he was too close to her. Nathan quickly checked her breast closely to make sure he didn't pierce her skin as Horatio stepped forwards and placed his hand on her head, he was unable to let her struggle alone so took the dive to comfort her.

"Did he do anything else to you? Bite you anywhere else?" Nathan asked softly and she shook her head as she took a gasp of air and held her eyes closed. "Okay sweet, you're safe." Nathan said softly as he pulled the towel back over her chest before he moved down the bed. He then checked her legs over up to her thighs.

"Zoë, I need you to be sure that you do not want a female specialist to check you over." Nathan said warmly as he looked up at her.

"What have I said? Only you, Nathan." She growled as she lifted her head and glared at him one more time. He took a deep breath and then nodded at her.

"Okay, Zoë. Take a deep breath for me. Can you lift your knees up and then open your legs please sweet?" Nathan asked tenderly and she began to cry more as she shook her head and then brought her right arm up as she covered her face with that too. She clenched both of her fists, using her forearms to hide her upset face. "Okay, I'm going to get a female in here to check you over, I can stand behind the curtain if that's what you want; I don't mind, but I want you to be comfortable, Zoë." Nathan said softly as he stepped back while he shook his head lightly.

"No, you. Only you." she cried as she shook her head while she took broken gasps of air.

"I know this is really difficult Zoë." Nathan said softly and she tried to calm herself down by concentrating on Horatio's hand as he played with her hair delicately. She pressed her lips together and managed to breathe without taking staggered breaths. Nathan saw her calm a little and then stepped forwards again. "This isn't the first time I've checked you sweet, you don't have to worry about a thing. I know what I'm doing, I had to check you over when you were poisoned too." Nathan said tenderly.

"Doesn't make it any easier" she mumbled.

"I know it doesn't, but I need to check you now or any evidence that is there may be gone soon." Nathan said softly and she nodded as she began to wipe her eyes. "Okay, when you're ready, if you just move into position, I'll start the examination, I will talk you through everything I'm doing, okay?" Nathan asked and she nodded as she took a deep breath and then exhaled steadily. Nathan waited a few moments as he pulled the trolley over but she still wasn't ready so he sat back on his chair and looked up at Horatio with a soft expression. "May I ask when you both last engaged in intercourse or any sexual activity that could give me false results?" Nathan asked softly.

"A couple of days ago, not too recently" Horatio said softly and Nathan nodded.

"That makes it a lot easier, thank you." Nathan said softly as she slowly began to lift her knees while she concentrated on the ceiling. Horatio took hold of her hand as he bent down and placed his forehead against hers once she had removed her hands from her face.

"You're okay, you're doing really well." Horatio assured her and she took a deep breath as she nodded against his head, lightly rubbing her nose against his.

"When you're ready Zoë." Nathan said softly and Horatio moved his head away slightly so she was able to give Nathan a response. She then looked up at Horatio and he could see the look in her eyes and knew she wanted to back out of the situation.

"You can do this sweetheart, you're safe. We've got you." Horatio said softly and she looked into his eyes. She exhaled and then swallowed. She closed her eyes as her muscles tensed.

"He may not have done anything, we don't need to check." She asked softly as she lifted her head and looked over to Nathan with furrowed eyebrows.

"We need to check sweetheart, you were knocked out." Horatio said softly before she looked up at Horatio and blinked a few times. He saw that she was on the verge of crying once again.

"What difference does it make? I'm not charging him." Zoë cried whilst she glared up at him, he quickly wiped her tears away and exhaled as he held her eye-contact with her.

"Zoë, this is nothing to be ashamed about, I just need to check and get a few samples, it won't take any longer than 5 minutes, I promise you." Nathan said softly and she exhaled again with her expression softening on Horatio before she looked back over to Nathan.

"I don't want to know though." She whispered as she bit her lip.

"You'll tear yourself up if you don't find out sweetheart, you're probably right, he probably hasn't done anything to you, but we've got to check." Horatio said softly and she looked back down to her fingers as she began to fiddle with her hands. She took a deep breath and then nodded again.

She looked over to Horatio once she'd calmed herself again. "I need a shower, please, just a shower." She said as she reached out for him and took hold of his hand.

"If you do this, I'll take you straight home where you can take a shower." Horatio said softly and she blinked up at him for a moment.

"Really?" She asked and Horatio nodded, silently. He knew it was probably the only way he'd get her to agree to the examination by bargaining with her about a shower. "Okay" she said as she squeezed his hand and then looked into his eyes as she began to slowly open her legs. She put her head back against the pillow as she pressed her lips together and studied Horatio's reassuring facial expression. She felt him run both of his thumbs over the back of her right hand as he clasped her hand with both of his. He then bent down and placed his forehead against hers whilst closing his eyes, he made sure he was keeping his breathing steady and soft so she was able to match it.

"You're doing really well sweet." Nathan said softly as he placed his hands on her knees and eased her legs open a little more. He described what he was doing to her and Horatio. Horatio repeatedly kissed her forehead and cheeks and whispered soothing words to her.

"Ouch Nathan!" Zoë yelped as she tensed. Horatio immediately lifted his head and stood up to look down at Nathan to see what he was doing.

"I need to get in there Zoë." He said tenderly as he looked up at Zoë.

"No please! It's hurting!" She begged him as she tightened her grip on Horatio's hand, he felt his knuckles crack from where she'd gripped his hand so much. Nathan caught her foot as she swung it at him when her instincts to defend herself kicked in. Her face contorted into a glare as the fire ignited in her eyes. He delicately placed her foot back down on the bed and pulled the medical device from her.

"I'm sorry, I'll use a smaller instrument." He said softly and then changed it. Horatio begun to tenderly stroke her forearm in hope of calming her down; he knew Nathan was doing all he could to minimize the stress caused to her.

"Who's vagina is that large anyway?! Are you sure you're using the right 'instrument'?! Are you sure you're not trying to put a piano up there? Do you even know what you're doing?" She raised her voice as she lifted her head and sat up slightly to fully glare at him.

"Zoë, try and keep calm sweet, you're doing a real good job." Nathan assured her as he hurried himself.

"Keep calm?! You just tried to stick a fucking elephant up there!" She raised her voice as she let go of Horatio's hand.

Nathan swallowed as he began to sweat lightly, he could really feel the pressure on him now. "2 seconds Zoë." Nathan said as he hurried himself as he knew she wasn't going to take it any longer. He knew he had a maximum of a minute before she flew off the handle and would probably kick him away. '_Jesus, this is probably what it feels like to disarm a bomb._' Nathan thought to himself as he quickly finished up and put the last swab in the box and then closed her legs. He exhaled a kept breath as he snapped his gloves off, just relieved that he'd managed to get it over and done with quickly and efficiently. He closed her legs and fully covered her with the towel. They looked at him expectantly, waiting to hear his verdict as Horatio quickly pulled a large blanket over her to cover her fully.


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

"Well done Zoë, you've done really well. From what I can see there's no damage and nothing indicating that you've been raped. The swabs will have to go off to the lab, but I'm 95% sure that you've not been raped." Nathan said softly as he stepped back and relaxed himself a little. Horatio exhaled a long sigh of relief and quickly ran his hands over his face to compose himself. His heart could finally stop beating so rapidly. Zoë's head fell back to the pillow as she heavily exhaled, relieved herself. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath before wiping the tears from her eyes as Horatio approached her and leant down to place a tender kiss on her forehead.

Zoë swallowed lightly and then lifted her head again once the overwhelming sense of relief had slowly decreased. "Thank you." She said softly while she looked to Nathan and he nodded at her with a sweet expression.

"I'll be back with some shorts and scrubs for you, okay?" Nathan asked and she nodded as Horatio lightly played with her hair as Nathan walked out. They remained silent for a moment as Horatio wasn't too sure what state of mind she was in or if she would flip at him if he did speak. He knew he'd have a very short fuse if something like that ever happened to him.

"Where's my engagement ring? Don't say that he threw it away, please?" She asked Horatio quietly as she looked up and over to him. He gave her a gentle smile and then reached into his pocket and produced the diamond embedded white gold ring. He watched her facial expression light up slightly as he took her left hand and slipped the ring onto her finger, silently. She sat back and looked at it for a few seconds while she thought to herself.

"I'm not charging him Horatio, you saw him. He's having a breakdown, he's mentally unstable, he needs help." Zoë said as she looked up at him and began to play with her fingers and ring. Horatio quickly looked back down to her after studying the room and stopped playing with her hair. He blinked a few times before turning to the side and tilting his head to try and give her his most gentle stance.

"Zoë, what he did today is inexcusable. He can be charged and he can be taken to a place where they'll look after him and where he can have the punishment he deserves. He'll probably plead insanity, and I'm more than sure that he'll be charged under insanity, but he'll go to a secure mental institution where he'll get the help he needs, depending on the extent of psychosis." Horatio said warmly before he began to play with her hair again.

"No, I'm getting him help." Zoë argued as she pushed his hand away and scowled up at him.

"Zoë, you can't let him off, you're not thinking straight, right now is not a time for drastic decisions." Horatio said softly as he pulled his sunglasses from his pocket and began to fiddle with them using both hands.

"I am." She said as she crossed her arms and looked down to the blanket with a mean stare.

Nathan quickly came back in with a pair of blue scrubs in his hand. "There's no reason to keep you in, you're free to go, if you have any problems or worries, call me." Nathan said softly as he placed the clothes on the end of her bed with a gentle smile. He then picked up on the fiery atmosphere and looked to Horatio, silently asking if everything was okay. Horatio nodded at him and then looked down to his sunglasses. "Horatio, can I have a quick word with Zoë please?" Nathan asked Horatio warmly and Horatio looked up at him with a mild frown. "I just want a word in private, it's nothing bad, don't worry." Nathan said warmly and Horatio looked back to Zoë who nodded as she looked at Horatio's shirt. He then walked out and closed the door after him.

"Zoë sweet, you've been through a lot today, okay? You're not going to just get over this and I'm a little worried about you. I think it is best if you talk with someone professional this time–" Nathan started warmly.

"No!" She growled at him.

"Zoë, it's nothing to be ashamed of. I can't make you talk with anyone, but I needed to suggest it. Just take this card, she's a lovely person and a brilliant therapist. She will keep everything confidential if that's what you're worried about. I'm just afraid that you're going to push Horatio away again which will push you closer to the edge, Zoë. No one is personally attacking you, you must try and let Horatio in and if you really can't do that then I highly suggest you give Pippa, the therapist a call, okay? All I'm asking you is to think about it." Nathan said warmly as he placed the card on top of the scrubs. Zoë exhaled and nodded as she looked down at the floor. "Okay, would you like me to get Horatio back in?" Nathan asked and Zoë nodded. Nathan then gave her a gentle expression and turned to walk out to give her the privacy she wanted and needed. Horatio walked back in and looked at her with a gentle expression.

She pushed the blanket down and pulled the underwear on and then got up, off the bed. She pulled the oversized bottoms on and then the top while Horatio minded his own business but stepped forwards to do the strings up around her waist as it was now an automatic response. She looked up at him and stepped back with a mild frown. Horatio looked up at her, wondering if he'd frightened her by moving too quickly, but she didn't seem scared.

"What's wrong sw–" He begun, wanting to know what he'd done.

"Nothing's wrong." She replied sharply before he'd even had the time to finish his sentence. She swallowed as her eyes did a once around of his face before she turned and walked out. Horatio quickly followed her after he'd picked up the evidence. He caught up with her as she walked strongly with her arms folded tightly across her chest. She occasionally looked up to make sure she was heading in the right direction but mainly looked at the plain floor. "I'll have these picked up, then we can go home." Horatio said softly and she nodded, silently. He followed as he phoned. He took in the busy surroundings and saw that Zoë's manners had completely disappeared as she cut people up whilst walking strongly and quickly. He apologised to many people for Zoë whilst on the phone but came to a halt as they reached resus. Horatio placed his hand on her upper back as he stopped just behind her and looked up. He realised she was looking into the resuscitation room, staring at Ryan as doctors and nurses treated him.

"Come on sweetheart." Horatio said as he lightly rubbed her back and looked back to her.

"Is he going to be alright?" Zoë asked as she swallowed and shook her head just as Eric looked over to them and excused himself from Ryan's cubical.

"I don't know." Horatio said honestly and then Eric walked over to them.

"How are you doing?" Eric asked softly, calmly as he looked at Zoë sympathetically. She nodded slowly up at him, she didn't wish to talk about it but she knew he was curious. Eric looked to Horatio in hope of Horatio giving him something but Horatio was focussing on Zoë too much to even acknowledge that Eric was asking him what happened silently.

Zoë sighed as she saw Eric's curious eyes and knew he had a right to know what happened. "Okay, Nathan said that he's 95% sure that he didn't do anything when I was unconscious." Zoë said softly and Eric nodded as he exhaled. Zoë could see his relief and then new he had been worrying about the results of the examination. "Is he okay?" Zoë asked quietly as she raised her right hand to her lips to fiddle with them nervously. Eric glanced back to see the nurses prepping him.

"Yeah, they're going to take him down for an operation, but he'll live." Eric said softly, keeping is posture and tone of voice calm.

"What's the operation for?" Zoë asked as she looked back up at Eric.

"It's an amputation." Eric said quietly and Zoë looked up at him, she blinked for a few moments while she studied his facial expression, she could see that he was trying to keep a calm, straight face so he didn't panic her.

"Amputation of what?" She questioned as she removed her hand from her lips and placed it on her hip.

"There's too much damage to his… you know." Eric said as he looked down, Horatio looked up at Eric and could see Eric becoming slightly uncomfortable. Horatio immediately knew what Eric was getting at, but still didn't feel any sort of remorse or guilt for shooting Ryan.

"His penis or testicles?" Zoë questioned quietly and Eric looked up at her with a slight frown.

"Testicles." Eric said and Zoë's eyebrows rose as she took a deep breath.

"They're castrating him?!" Zoë questioned loudly and frantically as she looked back to Ryan who lay sedated in the large hospital bed.

"They can't stop the bleeding, they need to clamp off the arteries feeding them, and both of them are ripped apart anyway." Eric said and then swallowed as he looked down. He winced himself just as Horatio did, both imagining what sort of pain he would have gone through. Even that couldn't help Horatio find any sort of remorse for Ryan. Zoë then walked away, silently.

"Keep me updated." Horatio said firmly and Eric nodded. He then walked out after Zoë. "Zoë, don't blame yourself sweetheart. He went to the house with the intention of taking you, why else would he have had a cloth doused with chloroform in his pocket?" Horatio asked warmly, hoping to get her to see it for what the situation really was. He could see that she was clearly distressed more when she found out what Ryan was going through. He knew it was her compassionate side taking over anything else. She shrugged as she remained silent, slowly walking out to the entrance where she saw one of the large silver hummers turn up. She froze as she watched Walter climb out and knew that he was there to pick up the samples Nathan had just got. She realised that people would find out about the situation.

"No! I don't want people knowing about this!" Zoë growled at Horatio just as Walter began to approach them.

"Zoë, we have to check sweetheart." Horatio said softly as he walked around to stand in front of her to give her a gentle, reassuring expression. She exhaled as she scowled up at him and then walked away. Horatio sighed to himself as he closed his eyes and then turned around when he heard Walter stop behind him. Horatio quickly briefed Walter and then handed the evidence to him and walked after Zoë. She'd stopped by the road and signalled for a taxi. Horatio hurried after her because he knew that she would get into a taxi without him and would probably drive off somewhere so he couldn't find her. He could see her trying to run from him, from everyone. He knew she wanted to run from the situation and by doing that, she would close herself off to the world. "Zoë, talk to me sweetheart, please." Horatio begged as a taxi pulled up in front of Zoë as Horatio stepped up close beside her. She shook her head and then got into a taxi. He quickly jumped in too and gave the driver their address. "Zoë–" Horatio started again but she sharply turned her head to glare at him.

"I'm not talking about anything here." She growled at him before he had the chance to finish what he was going to say. Horatio took a deep breath after she turned her fiery glare back out of the passenger window. He pulled his sunglasses from his neck and began to fiddle with them once more. He focussed on them as he maintained steady breathing. He could feel his heart aching because all he wanted was to see Zoë smile once again. He could feel her upset and her hurt emanate from her, he wanted to escape it all with her. They arrived home and they quickly got in. Zoë rushed upstairs and into the en-suite without speaking a word to Horatio or so much as a look at him. '_Have I done something, is she blaming me? Or is she simply still highly upset?'_ Horatio thought to himself as he quickly walked up after her.

"I'm sorry Zoë, I'm sorry for not being here for you." Horatio said as he walked into the en-suite and looked at the floor. He could hear the light patter of the water hitting the floor in the shower.

"I shut the door for a reason, Horatio." She said lowly as she washed vigorously and he looked up at her. He blinked a few times and realised that she had closed the bathroom door and that he'd opened it without even realising.

"Sorry sweetheart, would you like me to give you space?" Horatio asked warmly and she nodded. He quickly turned around and closed the door after himself while he exhaled. He sat on the bed and rubbed his face, leaning on his knees. His mind was blank, he wasn't sure what he could do to help Zoë, he wasn't sure what she wanted him to do if she wanted him to do anything. He knew that it was going to be a difficult day for them. He waited for her to come out but she didn't. He began to worry, but didn't want to knock on the door as he knew he'd get a negative response from her. '_I'll give her 5 more minutes.'_ Horatio thought to himself as he listened to the shower still going. He waited for those 5 long minutes and then got up. He slowly approached the door and took a deep breath, he just hoped that she wouldn't flip at him. He knocked on the door and then entered; he didn't hear her tell him to stay out.

"What did I say? I said I wanted some privacy and space! That is all I want!" She barked as he looked down at her sat in the shower.

"I'm sorry Zoë, I didn't hear you." Horatio said softly and then backed out again, he could see her crying. He closed the door and then walked downstairs. He leant on the kitchen counter and threw his sunglasses across the kitchen and then put his head in his hands. '_What am I supposed to do?'_ Horatio questioned himself as he ran his hands through his hair and then stared down at the counter work-surface. He took a deep breath and exhaled sharply.

Zoë hugged her knees to her chest as she rested her chin on her knees. She stared down at the plug-hole as it swallowed the running water. '_I can't break my promise to him, but Horatio's never going to agree to it. I can't break promises. What do I do? How can I ever forgive him? How am I going to get his job back? Horatio won't understand, no-one will understand me. They won't understand my reasons. It wasn't Ryan that did that to me, it was some form of psychosis, probably brought on by starvation, sleep deprivation and guilt? I caused that. Now he'll never have kids, I guess it's better than being dead though. What am I going to do? Horatio's going to hate me, he's going to absolutely hate me. He'll think I'm crazy, he'll think that I need some help. He won't ever understand why I can't break promises. He's never going to want to touch me again, he saw Wolfe laying over me, naked. He's not going to want to have children with me anymore, he's not going to want to marry me. Ryan is right! Horatio won't want to touch me ever again! I really am damaged goods now, not only has my father degraded me, but Wolfe has too, and Jack. If Ryan was right about that, is he right about everything else he said? Will this ever end? Will there ever be a point in my life that isn't going to hurt me or Horatio? Will we ever be truly happy for more than a day? There's always going to be the worry that someone's going to do that to me, there's always the threat. Horatio doesn't need this shit, he's not going to want to deal with me now anyway, especially after just now. I just shouted at him for no god-damn reason, he's just trying to help and I'm biting his head off. I'm pushing him away again. Is he really trying to help me though? How can he love me after this? I'm disgusting.'_ She thought to herself while Horatio was losing himself in his own thoughts. He rubbed his forehead and then picked up his sunglasses from the floor.

'_What can I do to help her? She can't get through this alone but that's exactly what she's going to try and do, go it alone. That's just her. It'll make things worse, it'll make the entire situation worse if she doesn't allow me in. She's going to push me away, she's already in the process of pushing me away. I know her, she's going to lock everything up and keep it there until it boils over and destroys her mentally. I should have shot him through the head, I should have killed him. She's going to blame herself for everything. Just how much more does she have to go through in her life? Just how far can she go before she just runs from it all? She'll end up running from me one day, I'm sure of it. How can I help her? Please, if someone up there is vouching for us, please show me how to help her.'_ Horatio thought to himself as he stood in the kitchen. He walked upstairs and found Zoë getting into bed, wearing one of his shirts. She looked over to him and then turned onto her side as she began to cry again. She curled into a ball and hugged the duvet close to her as she closed her eyes.

"May I sit on the bed?" Horatio asked softly and she nodded, silently. He took a deep breath as he slowly sat on the edge of the bed and looked at her as she tried to hide herself as much as she could. "Sweetheart, I need you to talk to me. What's going through your head?" Horatio asked warmly as he slowly reached over and placed his hand on her side. He quickly removed it when he felt and saw her tense.

"I'm sorry for shouting at you; it's been a bit of a tricky day." She whispered brokenly while she continued to sob.

"Don't worry sweetheart, that was my fault, I should have listened harder and I shouldn't have just walked in when you had the door closed." Horatio said softly and she exhaled. "I'm sorry for not being there for you sweetheart, if I could turn back time, I would." Horatio said softly as he placed his hand on her shoulder, bravely. He needed her comfort, he needed to feel her beneath his hands to keep him from losing it himself. His heart was in his throat because of her crying. He felt completely and utterly useless, he didn't feel like he could do anything for her. All he wanted to do was cradle her close to him and tell her that everything was going to be alright. He then wanted to watch everything turn out alright, but more than anything, he wanted to see her natural, bright smile. He wanted to see her happy and enjoying life. He wanted to see the 100% affection in her eyes every time she looked at him. He wanted to feel his heart flutter in his chest from true love, not from upset.

"You went to get milk Horatio, it's not as if you left me in the middle of a prison yard. Don't apologise. It's not your fault." She said quietly as she wiped her eyes with the back of one of her hands. '_She's not blaming me, then?'_ Horatio thought to himself as he mildly frowned, trying this hardest to get into her head, trying to work out what was going on.

"Then what's bothering you, what are you thinking about sweetheart? I can't read your mind." Horatio said softly as he rubbed her shoulder a little. She exhaled and lightly bit her lip before her mood changed in a split second as the tears suddenly stopped.

"Well, for starters I was nearly raped by Ryan in case you hadn't noticed." She said sarcastically, almost bitterly.

"Please try and be serious, Zoë." Horatio exhaled as he closed his eyes and looked down to his black trousers.

"I don't think the situation could get any more serious, Horatio." She said firmly as she continued to look at the alarm clock. He could feel her muscles tense as he looked back over to her.

"If you don't want to talk just yet, that's fine Zoë. I'm not going to push you. But please don't be a smart-ass. I'll leave you for a little while so you can calm down and have a rest, and we can talk later if you want." Horatio said warmly as he removed his hand from her shoulder and placed it on his thigh as he continued to look at her, awaiting another sarcastic reply.

"I am a smart-ass, that's what everyone says. I can't be who I'm not." She said and Horatio sighed to himself, he knew he wasn't going to get anything but snappy, sarcastic replies from her as she was in her defensive mode.

"Get some rest, I'll be downstairs." Horatio said before he got up and walked out. She rolled onto her back and watched him pull the door too and then began to quietly sob again. '_What is wrong with me?! He was trying to help me! He was trying to comfort me and I snap at him!? He probably needs my comfort as well! Today has been a tough day on him too! Who the hell am I? Who am I turning into? I don't even recognise myself anymore, Miami has changed me too much! If he didn't hate before just a moment ago, he sure as Hell does now! You're a fucking bitch Zoë Chambers, you don't deserve to be called Zoë Caine! You'll only bring his name down! He's not going to want children with a snappy cow like me, he won't want to touch me after Wolfe has had his hands and mouth all over me. Maybe if I just leave it'll make it easier on him, he wouldn't be under half as much pressure or stress. He won't have to worry about me, he won't have to look out for me. He won't have to deal with my shit, the amount of times I've dragged him through shit is horrifying. Perhaps a house in the middle of nowhere, on my own with nothing but myself is where I'm supposed to be in life. Perhaps my destiny is to be alone, perhaps it's to make those I love unhappy until I drive them to insanity? I can't seem to make anyone happy, I've even turned Wolfe insane. If I'm alone, I can't hurt anyone but myself. Why did the police have to save me? Why couldn't they have saved Josh instead, his life was far more precious than mine, I should have been the one to die. He should have killed me and spared my mother and brother, both of them deserve life so much more than me. Perhaps my mother could have got over my death and found a man as good as Horatio? Well, she'd have to have found Horatio to find a man as good as him as no-other man could ever equal him. Why is he trying to help me? Why does he love me, of all women? Why did he fall for me? His life has been nothing but pain and suffering since I started. I love him so much though, I can't leave him. I could only ever leave him if he asked me to, if it made him truly happy. I can't block him out, I can't push him away. I can't make him suffer for something that is out of his control. I need to go and speak to him, I need to tell him everything. I should try and get him to understand my reasons and perhaps he'll listen to me. But if he doesn't, it'll only cause an argument and he'll probably have me carted off to be tested for a mental issue too. I won't know unless I try though.'_ She thought and then found herself walking out of the bedroom and down the stairs. She walked into the living room to see him sat on the sofa with his head in his hands, he hadn't heard her come in. She watched his deep breathing and she saw his hurt for what it really was. He was almost as tormented as she was.

She swallowed as she began to fiddle with her fingers while she studied the man she absolutely adored nearly lose his mind. "Can I have a hug please, Horatio?" She asked quietly as she tried to fight the tears back, as well as her own mental pain she was experiencing, she could see that he was also suffering. He quickly looked up at her, startled and then stood as he blinked a few times, surprised to see her standing in front of him and asking for comfort.

"Of course beautiful, if I had the choice, I'd hug you forever and wouldn't ever let you go." Horatio said quietly as he moved forwards and wrapped his arms around her, pulling her body close to his. He closed his eyes as he felt her arms close around his waist, holding him tightly. He felt her take a deep breath as her chest rose against his. He exhaled a heavy breath just as she did.

"I'm sorry Horatio, I didn't mean to get snarky with you." She said quietly as she closed her eyes and gently rubbed her head against his chest. She felt his soft cotton shirt caress her cheek while his aroma shrouded her, giving her a sense of protection.

"Shh, don't worry about it sweetheart, you have every right to after today." Horatio said as he rubbed her back.

"No, no I don't, I shouldn't be taking anything out on you, you've done nothing wrong, you've stood by me all day." Zoë said as she took a firm hold of his jacket. He exhaled gently as he moved his nose into her hair, taking in its fresh fragrance. "Can I talk to you?" She asked as she pulled from the hug and took hold of the lapels of his jacket. She looked up into his pained blue eyes as he nodded with his eyes softening further.

"Of course, about anything Zoë, you know that." Horatio said softly and she then pulled him down to the sofa and sat next to him as she placed her hand on his thigh. She looked up at him and blinked a few times, composing herself and laying out what she wanted to say in her head before it all came out at once like word-vomit.

"You're not going to like this Horatio, but please hear me out and my reasoning before you shoot me down." She asked and he nodded as he placed his hands over hers, shuffling closer to her and gave her his full attention. "I'm not charging Wolfe, I can't ever charge him, not anymore. I promised him his job, help and my forgiveness if he didn't rape me. He was in the process of moving away just as you shot him. He agreed, Horatio, and I can't break my promise. I've never been able to break a promise and I never will–" She said as her eyes skipped from his right eye, to his left and back repeatedly.

"Zoë–" He cut her off as he began to run his thumbs over the backs of her hands.

"I asked if you're hear me out before you shot me down." She said and he nodded as he exhaled. He swallowed and composed himself while he glanced down to their hands.

"Why can't you break promises?" He asked softly as he lifted his head back up and looked at Zoë tenderly. '_It's definitely something to do with her childhood. What more did she go through as a child?'_ Horatio thought to himself.


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6**

"If my mother taught me anything, it was to never break promises. She said that it would tear me up and chew me up if I made a promise I couldn't keep. She kept every promise to me and my brother, even if it put her through physical pain and torture. She used to say that I had such a kind heart that if I promised someone something I couldn't keep, it would tear me up beyond repair and she was right, I once broke a promise and to this day I've not forgiven myself. She taught us to never break promises, just as her parents taught her. She didn't want Josh and I to grow up, making promises to those around us and never keeping them like so many other people do. But I still don't really understand why it was an important rule." She paused for a moment as she glanced down to their hands and watched Horatio's thumbs glide easily over her knuckles. She looked back up at him and took a deep breath before she carried on.

"I never will forgive myself for breaking that promise, it hurt me so much, and I was just a child, let alone a fully grown adult with some emotional disturbances that neither of us can deny. Well, I've actually broken 2 promises including that one when I was a child, but I wasn't thinking straight the second time, so it didn't have its full effect on me. I can't imagine what I'd be like if I broke a promise now. I'm reminded of her talk about promises every day; it's mentioned in that letter she wrote before she was killed. I know you probably won't understand and don't want to understand this. You probably think that I'm some crazy bat who's listening to dead people, but I cannot break a promise, it'll kill me. I'd rather die than break a promise and I know that sounds crazy to you, and you can try and have my head examined for some mental illness, but I don't care." She said as she looked down and blinked rapidly. She swallowed, readying herself for her admittance. It was the first time she'd told anyone, so it was a very big deal for her. Horatio could see her readying herself and swallowed, he could see the effect the thoughts were having on her.

"I broke that first promise to my brother, I promised him that everything was going to be okay, I promised him that he, mother and I would escape my father and that we'd live a happy life together. He believed me. He died in my arms a couple of minutes later while my father murdered my mother in front of me. It took so long because she put up such a fight. I promised him, Horatio, and he then died in my arms after believing me, I knew the promise was a lie. It's haunted me ever since. I can't break promises, Horatio. The other promise was a promise to not tell you about that $20,000 I gave Wolfe. But I told you on that island when we found out what Wolfe did to me." She said as she looked up at him. He could see that Horatio was slightly shocked, but also a little confused. He couldn't work out why that would cause her to have this problem with breaking promises.

He took a deep breath and then raised both of her hands to his mouth. He kissed each hand delicately before he placed them back down on his thigh. "This was different sweetheart, you promised Wolfe out of fear, you would have said anything to get him to stop, any human being would do the same." He said softly, trying to bring her round gently.

"I knew you wouldn't understand. I promised Josh out of fear too! It's not that different! I also lied to Ryan, I hate liars. Lying is one of the things that I absolutely hate. I said that we were trying for a baby in hope that it would stop him. But it didn't. What if I've jinxed our chances now? What if when we actually start trying for a baby I won't conceive because I lied about it earlier? What if I'm… I'm…" She stopped mid-sentence as she looked down and shook her head, feeling the build-up of pressure in her sinuses again, letting her know that she was about to start crying again.

"As I say Zoë, you would have said anything. You haven't jinxed it, don't worry. I understand Zoë, but you didn't mean it, you said it to try and stop him." Horatio said softly as he gave her hands a quick squeeze.

"No, I meant it Horatio! I would have said anything and meant it! If I hadn't have begged him to stop and promised him those things he would have raped me before you had a chance to get in and save me. He would have raped me if I hadn't have made those promises, he was taking his time because he was thinking about it. You would have walked in on him raping me if I hadn't have made those promises, isn't that enough for you to even think about what I'm asking here? Those promises saved me Horatio, and I mean them." She said calmly as she furrowed her eyebrows, hoping he'd come round to seeing it from her point of view.

"I understand sweetheart, I do. But you've also got to try and look at it from my point of view too; it's not fair if you ask me to look at it from yours if you don't look at it from mine." Horatio said softly and calmly himself as he looked into her luxurious brown eyes while they quickly searched his facial expression before setting on his beautiful blue eyes again.

"I am Horatio, I know you want to lock him up, I know you want to see him charged. But I really can't. We can get him help, we can sort his life out and he'll never do anything like it again. Horatio, you don't understand what you're asking me to do. If you make me charge him, you'll destroy me more than he has today. I won't live with myself after breaking a promise. It's hardwired into my brain, please don't do this to me Horatio, you do not understand the gravity of the situation." She begged him as she raised her hands to her chest while the clasped Horatio's hands tightly. She tilted her head at him, hoping to sway him towards her way of thinking.

"Zoë, you're using yourself and my feelings to get your own way–" He said softly.

"How else am I supposed to get you to agree with me? What I'm telling you is true. Ring Joe up and ask him, he knows I can't break promises, he doesn't know the story behind it but he knows about my problem with them." She said as she leant closer to him and looked into his eyes. He could see her desperateness as he took a deep breath and looked into her eyes. '_He needs to be put away.'_ Horatio thought to himself. "This isn't even the worst promise I've ever made, Horatio." She swallowed as she looked down and closed her eyes.

"How have you ever made a promise worse than this? I find that hard to believe, Zoë." Horatio exhaled as he looked at the top of her head. She took a deep breath and quickly wiped her eyes before she looked back up at him.

"I promised Mike I'd marry him after he nearly died in my arms, Horatio. He asked me to marry him while I held his bleeding body after a motorbike accident. I promised him I would if he made it, I didn't particularly want to marry him Horatio! I loved him and everything, I absolutely adored him, but I was young, I wasn't ready for marriage. I hadn't even known him for very long before he asked me. But I had to marry him as I made a promise to him. That's the worse promise of all, Horatio. I feel guilty because he thought I genuinely wanted to marry him at that time. I am an absolute bitch, I know you don't need to say it, but I couldn't not go through with it. I would have married him down the line, once I felt ready though. But at that point in time I didn't really want to. If you want to think of it as a compulsion of mine, then think of it as that. It's a compulsion that I have to abide by and that will never change. I've never told a sole that, Horatio. Not even Mike knew that himself. I hope that gets you to understand just how much promises mean to me." She said as tears fell from her eyes while her eyes darted from his right to his left repeatedly.

"You're not marrying me for the same reason, are you?" Horatio questioned quietly as his grip loosened on her hands. Her eyes widened as she began to frantically shake her head. She felt him release her hands and her heart began to pound.

"No, not at all! I want to marry you, I need to marry you. Marrying you would be the best thing in this world. It's one of three things I want from my life; to marry you, to have children with you and for us to be happy together. That's all I want. But whether you want to marry me and have children with me now is a different question. Whether I can make you happy is entirely a different question to everything." She said as she looked into his eyes and then down at her hands on his thigh. She looked at his hands as they rested in his lap. '_He doesn't want to touch me.'_ She panicked to herself as she took a deep broken breath, becoming highly distressed.

"Is that the truth?" Horatio asked softly as he lowered his head to gain some eye contact with her.

"Yes, that is the truth, I swear to you. I promise you that's the truth. I'd give anything to have those 3 things with you, I'd give every single other thing up in my life just to have those 3 things with you. You are everything and you always will be everything to me." She said as she looked up and into his eyes. She felt his hands take a gentle hold of hers again and she exhaled a large sigh of relief as she nearly burst into tears again, just so happy that he was holding her hands again. She looked down at their hands for a moment, she needed to see his hands holding hers to relax a little more. She exhaled again when she saw the delicacy that he'd taken hold of them with and the tender love he used to sweep his thumbs over her soft skin. She looked back up into his loving blue eyes and pressed her lips together.

"Do you still want to marry me, even though I've just proven what a bitch I am? Even though I've been a cow to you, even though he's tried to defile me again? Because if you don't, you just have to say. I don't blame you if you don't want to, I don't blame you if you don't want to have children with me or if you don't want to touch me ever again." She said and he let go of one of her hands, causing her heart rate to increase because she thought he was going to walk away from her. But instead, she felt him take a look hold of her chin to delicately pull her head up so she looked him in the eye. "Of course I still want to marry you, sweetheart, you have to stop thinking that I won't want to marry you or that I don't want children with you over everything bad that happens to us. I'll always love you, I'll always want to marry you and I'll always want children with you, your self-image of yourself is playing on you again, Zoë. I know you're thinking bad things about yourself, but none of it's true; you're beautiful, you're perfect, you're not damaged goods, you're not a bad person, you're not repulsive. You're my Zoë, and you're perfect in every single way possible." Horatio said as he took his other hand from hers and placed it on one of her cheeks and looked into her eyes, deeply, passionately.

She eyes dropped to his shirt as she swallowed and pulled her chin from his hand. He placed his hand on her thigh and looked at her, wanting to see that she believed him, but she didn't give him anything. "We've deviated from the real problem here…" She said quietly.

"I know, but try and think about changing your mind please. He needs punishment, mental illness is not an excuse for what happened today, he came here with the intention of kidnapping you Zoë. Your promise means nothing." Horatio tried begging her as he lowered his head and gained eye contact with her. She exhaled heavily and shook her head as she looked back into his eyes while she furrowed her brow.

"It means everything, Horatio! How do you still not understand! I've just confessed something that I've kept a secret all this time and you're still not seeing it properly, you're not listening to me. I understand that you want to put him away, I do, but I can't. I'd send him to prison in a heartbeat if I hadn't have made that promise, I really would have. I need you to give him his job back, please." She asked him and his eyes widened as his mouth fell open. He just stared at her a few moments in complete disbelief.

"Not only are you asking me not to punish him, but you're asking me to give him a job, where he'll be working with you on a daily basis… Zoë, I don't think you're looking at this properly either. I don't think you're in the right state of mind to be making decisions of this sort." Horatio said softly, keeping it calm between them as he tilted his head and moved his hand from her cheek to her shoulder.

She began to scowl at him, he'd noticed her mood changing again. "You can't charge him if you have no proof of what happened." Zoë said firmly as she sat back and pulled her hands from his thigh, she made her hands into fists as she crossed her arms over her chest.

"We have all the proof we need, Zoë." Horatio said lowly as he studied her hard facial expression and tight lips.

"What do you have? Our clothes? That's all the hard evidence you have." Zoë said as she crossed her legs and sat back.

"I have the tape that shows him knocking you out, both Eric and I witnessed what he was about to do." He said calmly as he set his gentle eyes on her.

"Skyler delete all CCTV footage from today." She said loudly while she glared at him and Horatio's eyes widened. He looked at her shocked, he couldn't believe what she'd just done.

"Deleted" the soft female voice sounded.

"Zoë, do you realise what you've done?" Horatio questioned with wide eyes as he looked at her intensely.

"Yes, now it's your word against mine. If he doesn't get a job back at the crime lab, I will get him a job within the police force, he has no actual record and I have a judge who knows a lot of other judges as a very good friend to keep his record that way. He's just got your negative reference and his admission to why he was fired." Zoë argued with him as she glared at him.

"I shot him, Zoë. I need proof that I was protecting you and not just shooting him for the hell of it! IAB are going to be swarming around this. I needed that footage. I can get into a lot of trouble for what I've done." Horatio said firmly as he continued with his intense expression. Zoë looked down to her knees but remained hard-faced. Horatio took a deep breath and then steadily exhaled. He closed his eyes for a brief second as he calmed and composed himself. "Zoë you need to rest and you really need some time to think about all of this. I suggest that you go upstairs and that you take a nap." Horatio said calmly.

She sat forwards and looked up at him, slightly confused, slightly peeved. "Why don't you understand me? I tried talking to you, Horatio, you're not listening to me though. You tell me that I can talk to you about anything but when I try I get ignored or you disregard what I'm telling you. Just like every other single person on this Earth… all because you know better apparently. I thought you were the only one who could understand me, I guess I was wrong." She said as she looked up at him.

"I do understand, but he _needs_ to be punished. He won't learn if you let him go." Horatio said as he looked at her with his intense expression making a return.

"We're just going round in circles Horatio. I'm going to bed, don't disturb me." She said sharply as she quickly got up.

"Don't run from this Zoë, if he had done that to any other woman you'd be fighting to put him away, you know that." Horatio said calmly as he stood up and watched her walk away.

"I'm taking a guest bed tonight, you can have our bed." She exhaled as he began to follow her out.

"You can't run from this Zoë, we need to address this problem now." Horatio said as he watched her begin to walk up the stairs. He then listened to her heavy sigh as he placed his right foot on the first step.

"Horatio, leave me be, please. We'll end this discussion tomorrow." She said firmly. He stopped at the bottom of the stairs and looked up at her walking away. He exhaled and then rubbed his weary brow as he looked down to the cream carpet covering the stairs. He then took a deep breath as he looked back up to Zoë who had just reached the top of the stairs.

"You've not eaten anything this afternoon or evening Zoë." Horatio called softly.

"I'm not hungry." She said firmly as she disappeared around the corner. Horatio turned around, feeling stressed as he ran both hands through his hair. He pulled his jacket off and slung it over the back of the sofa before rubbing his forehead once more. He made himself a coffee and then received a call from Walter just as he sat down on the sofa.

"Hey H, I've got the results from the swabs you gave me." Walter said softly.

"Well are you going to tell me?" Horatio asked, stressed as he sat forwards and placed his coffee on the coffee table.

"Yeah, sorry H. There was nothing found, Zoë definitely wasn't raped." Walter said softly, he'd noticed the stressed tone in Horatio's voice and tried to keep his voice gentle under the extra pressure Horatio had put on him.

"Thank you Walter." Horatio said before he hung up. Horatio then walked upstairs with his coffee in is hand and placed it on the bedside table in their bedroom. He then walked down the hall slowly and leant the main guestroom door frame to see Zoë in the bed.

"Walter just called to say that he's confirmed that you weren't raped." Horatio said softly and she nodded with her back to him. Horatio sighed to himself as he looked down at the clean carpet. He closed his eyes as he shook his head as he took a deep breath. "Zoë, please don't sleep in here." Horatio asked warmly and desperately.

"I want to." She said quietly.

"Do you know where my pillow has gone? It's not on the bed." Horatio exhaled softly, she didn't reply, she just hugged whatever she was hugging tighter. He then realised she was hugging his pillow. He sighed and then walked away when she didn't give him anything to go on. He walked down the hall and took a long, hot shower. He tried to clear his thoughts, but they just multiplied. He rubbed his face with both hands and then suddenly lashed out at the wall with is right hand. He hit the tiling and quickly recoiled his fist. He pressed his lips together as he began to rub his right fist with his left hand, feeling it throb. '_What am I supposed to do? She did try and talk to me, I'll give her that. She did try and let me in. But how am I to allow what she wants? What she's asking me is impossible. He nearly raped her! Why is she defending him? She's too confusing sometimes, she's too compassionate. I understand that she's got a problem with promises, but surely she can overcome that to put him away? I mean, she overcame her fear of doctors and that is far worse than her 'fear' of breaking promises, surely? Why won't she let me sleep with her? Is it purely because of the argument? Is she punishing me because she's not getting her own way? She knows I can't sleep without her.'_ Horatio thought to himself as he stepped out of the shower and dried himself.

'_Well, I've not had a call from IAB, it must only be a matter of time, unless Eric hasn't mentioned anything and unless Ryan hasn't said anything either. I must call Eric._' Horatio thought as he put a pair of jogging bottoms on with a t-shirt and then sat on the bed and really thought about everything again as he put his head in his hands.

'_I do understand that she needs to keep promises, but she promised him out of fear, she promised him to stop him, it wasn't a genuine promise. Anyone would have promised him the same thing in that situation. How can she expect me to let him walk free, let alone offer him a job? I can't do it. I simply can't do it. I can't have him working under the same roof as her. Why doesn't she understand that? We're not going to agree on this, I know we won't. This is just going to go round in circles. One of us is going to have to give in as there isn't anything we can meet half-way on. I'm not giving in. He is going to prison, or visiting the morgue.'_ He thought to himself and then looked up and at the curtains. He got back up and walked down the hall, slowly. He lightly dragged the back of his knuckles along the smooth wall as he walked. '_Please don't push me away.'_ He begged her in his mind. He stopped at the doorframe again and looked into the room to see that she hadn't moved an inch, but she was clearly awake.

"Zoë, please come and sleep in our bed." Horatio pleaded.

"I want space Horatio." She said quietly. Horatio took a step into the bedroom and saw that she had a tight hold of his pillow.

"Can I join you in that bed? Please?" Horatio asked warmly as he tilted his head and began to fiddle with the draw strings on his jogging bottoms.

"Horatio, I want and need space." She reiterated a little more firmly. Horatio sighed and looked down at the floor. '_All I want is to sleep in the same bed with her.'_ Horatio thought to himself as his heart sank a little. '_I must've done something else wrong. I wish she'd tell me.'_ Horatio thought to himself as he looked back up at her and blinked a few times. '_I must've done something really wrong; she clearly doesn't want me to touch her, she doesn't even want to hear my voice it seems. We've been through worse and she's not acted like this before. Not even when we lost Maya, she even stayed in the same bed then. I don't understand why she's being like this.'_ Horatio thought to himself as he swallowed.

"Then at least have your bed, I'll sleep in one of the guest rooms. If you don't want me in the house, I can stay elsewhere." Horatio said quietly and then looked up at her when she took a deep breath and then sighed. '_She actually wants me out of the house?'_ Horatio thought to himself, highly confused. His mouth dropped open slightly as he rapidly blinked, he could feel his heart pounding away in his chest.

"I don't want you out of the house, Horatio. Please don't leave the house. It's not my bed, it's our bed. You have it." She said softly as she exhaled again before she bit her lip and closed her eyes.

"Goodnight beautiful, I love you, please don't forget that." Horatio said softly as he slowly walked over to her and then leant down and delicately kissed her temple. He felt her take a deep breath as he nuzzled her slightly before kissing her again. "I love you, I'll always love you no matter what." He whispered into her ear again before he stood back up and just hoped to hear those 3 words back, but he wasn't sure if he'd get to hear them that night. She opened her eyes and blinked rapidly, fighting the tears away as well as the lump that began to form in her throat.

"Goodnight" she said quietly after she took a deep, broken breath. He sighed and then began to walk away, hanging his head with his heart breaking once more. '_Maybe it is best that I give her some space and stay somewhere else?'_ Horatio asked himself as he heard her move in the bed.

"I love you too, handsome." She said quietly as she turned to see him walking out. He stopped and turned and gave her a fake sweet expression, he didn't believe her. She saw that he didn't believe her and bit her lip lightly. "I really do, Horatio, I just need some space." She said softly and he nodded as he felt a burst of happiness that lasted about a second. He saw that she meant it and no longer had to pull a false sweet expression, he was genuinely looking at her sweetly. He gave her a small smile and then walked away, still feeling horrible, but feeling slightly better now that he'd heard the 3 words he needed to hear.

'_Am I incapable of making him happy, just for once?' _She thought to herself and then began to quietly sob to herself as she turned back on her side so she had her back to the doorway. Horatio didn't go back to bed; he slid down the wall quietly outside her door and rubbed his forehead. He raised his knees as high as he could get them and rested his forearms on them as he looked at the carpet and shook his head. '_I'm not going to sleep without her… there isn't even any point in trying.'_ Horatio thought to himself. He listened to her sobbing and wanted to comfort her but knew she didn't want it. He took a deep breath and rested his head back against the wall and closed his eyes. He repeated the 3 words he listened to her say in his head as it made him feel a little better. He sat there for near enough an hour, he could no longer feel his bum as it had gone numb, but he couldn't bring himself to walk back to their empty bedroom. He lifted his head when he heard that she'd completely stopped crying and got up when he figured that she'd fallen asleep, he was right. He walked in and then sat down beside the bed and leant against it. He slowly fell asleep, listening to her steady, gentle breathing and occasional moans as she shifted in the bed. He woke at 3AM when she got up and slowly walked into a wall. He quickly got up and guided her back to bed when he realised she was sleepwalking. He knew she thought she was still in their bedroom as she'd walked in the direction she needed to walk to exit their room. He sat back down and relaxed but didn't get back into any proper sleep, he just listened to her breathe steadily. He fell into a light doze just before she woke that morning. She exhaled when she saw his red-hair and then got out of the other side of the bed. She stormed out and went to run herself a bath to relax herself. Horatio woke when he heard the bath running and got up and rubbed his back as he walked through to their bedroom.

"I told you I wanted space, can you not respect me enough to give me that?" She questioned lowly and quietly when she pulled a towel from a shelf in the wardrobe.

"I can't sleep without you, Zoë, you know that." He said quietly, but she just walked out. He exhaled heavily as he watched her walk down the hall. "Are we going to sort this out?" Horatio questioned.

"Once I've had my bath, yes." Zoë said as she walked into the bathroom and then closed the door.

"Don't lock it." Horatio said loudly as he walked away and down the stairs to make himself a coffee. He was heavy handed with everything, he put the kettle down forcefully and picked up the spoon to drop it into his steaming hot coffee. He couldn't help but glare at the steam rising. Once he'd made the coffee and calmed down slightly he looked up and swallowed. '_She could blackout, she's highly stressed!'_ He thought to himself and quickly dropped the mug onto the side and ran upstairs. He knocked on the door but didn't get a response, he made sure he listened intensely this time, but he was certain that there wasn't a peep from her. He opened the door and ran over to Zoë who was lying under the water. Horatio grabbed her wrists and pulled her out, he quickly pulled her into his arms before he laid her on the floor and placed his ear against her wet chest. He could hear her heart beating strongly but didn't hear her breathing at all. His heart rate increased dramatically while he quickly straightened her head out. He took a deep breath and then sealed his mouth over hers to give her a rescue breath. After the first breath she began to cough, he quickly rolled her into the recovery position and held her mouth open.

"You're okay sweetheart, just breathe for me." Horatio said smoothly as he bent down to get a good look at her pale face while he tenderly rubbed her side. "Breathe for me sweetheart." Horatio said smoothly again before she began to cough up water. He move his hand around to begin rubbing her back as his eyes frantically searched her face, wishing her to open her eyes. "I'm sorry sweetheart, I'm so sorry." Horatio said softly after he swallowed. '_If I'd stayed out of that room, she wouldn't have got stressed this morning and she wouldn't have blacked out in the bath. That's my fault again.' _Horatio thought to himself as he felt the pit in his stomach form again. "Breathe, please, Zoë." He begged her desperately just before she stopped coughing the water up and took a few large gasps of air.

"That's it breathe. Breathe for me." He said softly with a very relieved sigh. He took a deep breath and steadily let it escape his lungs as Zoë slowly opened her eyes and blinked a few times. She took one large deep breath herself and looked up at Horatio's relieved facial expression.

"How are you feeling?" Horatio asked softly while he continued to rub her back lightly as he lifted her head a little and placed his hand under her cheek.

"Fine" she said weakly.

"Zoë, please don't fight me. Not now, please don't." Horatio begged her and she blinked a few times as she looked up at him. She saw that he was quite cut up. "How are you really feeling?" Horatio asked warmly again.

"Okay, thank you Horatio." She said softly and he nodded with a gentle expression, happy to hear her taking a soft tone with him.

"You blacked out, I shouldn't have left you, I'm sorry." Horatio said softly as he began to run the pad of his thumb over her cheekbone. She raised her arm to his shoulder.

"It's not your fault, thank you for saving me… once again." She said as she pulled herself up and continued to breathe deeply. He quickly got up and pulled her towel from the towel rack and put it around her. He held it around her and placed his hand back on her cheek to direct her face back to him so he could get a look into both of her eyes.

"We should take you to hospital. Do you want to get dressed first?" Horatio asked warmly as she took hold of the towel herself.

"No, I'm fine. Thank you." She said as she looked up at him and then climbed to her feet as she pulled the towel around her tighter.

"Zoë you know the dangers of inhaling water, you could suffer from secondary drowning." Horatio said firmly as he rose to his feet too.

"I said I'm fine, Horatio." She said sharply, becoming defensive again.

"Please, Zoë." Horatio asked, he begged as he took a step closer to her but she quickly stepped back.

"I'll check myself over Horatio, I'm fine though. I think I coughed it all up." Zoë said firmly. He backed off when he saw her tense and placed his hand on his hips. '_Something else is going on, something bigger than this Wolfe situation.'_ He thought to himself as he mildly frowned at her.

"Zoë, what's wrong?" Horatio questioned warmly as he tilted his head at her, a gentle expression replaced the mild frown as he wanted to get the problem out of her.

"Nothing." She said as she turned and walked out and into the main bedroom where she pulled a pair of pants and a bra from the draw. He quickly followed her through to the bedroom and stood by the door.

"Talk to me, Zoë, please. I know something is bothering you." Horatio asked warmly. She could hear his desperateness in his voice but she just shook her head as she picked out a pair of dark blue skinny jeans and a dark loose top. "Zoë" Horatio called warmly as he entered the room.

"I tried talking to you last night, but it went in one ear and out the other, what makes you think I'm going to try talking to you again when I'll probably get the same thing again." She said firmly as she pulled the towel from herself and quickly pulled on her underwear and bra. He exhaled and pulled out a pair of boxers from his draw. He quickly changed too, in silence. She finished changing too and began to walk out.

"You know that's not true, Zoë. I listened, and I do understand. But you've got to think about this rationally. If it were any other woman who he'd attacked, you would have put him in prison." Horatio said softly and she stopped. She turned to him as she placed her hands on her waist.

"Yes, you're absolutely right and I would put him in prison if I didn't promise him Horatio. If I make a promise I will keep it, when are you going to understand that? It doesn't matter what extent the promise goes to, I will keep it, unless it directly puts someone's life in danger. Just leave me alone, please." Zoë questioned as a deeper frown developed.

"Zoë, it's not just the promise that's bothering you, is it?" Horatio asked softly and she quickly walked away from him. "Zoë, please don't just walk away from me. We have to sort this." Horatio said calmly as he walked out of the bedroom. She stopped in the hall and turned back around to see him standing in front of her.

"How is Ryan, have you heard anything?" Zoë questioned and Horatio sighed. '_Why does she even want to know?'_ Horatio questioned as his eyes skated around her face, trying to judge her mood and expression but she was unreadable.

"Eric has informed me that he's in a lot better shape, physically and mentally." Horatio said softly as he looked down to the carpet between them.

"Good, I'm going to see him." Zoë said as she turned and made her way down the stairs as Horatio looked up at her with a shocked expression. '_What?'_ He questioned himself in his head. '_Is she experiencing some sort of breakdown? Some sort of post-traumatic stress? What is going on in her head?'_ Horatio questioned himself.

"Zoë, we need to sort this out before you do anything." Horatio said as he followed her quickly.

"How are we going to resolve this Horatio? I will not charge him out of my own free will. You aren't going to give in either!" Zoë questioned firmly as she reached the bottom of the stairs and turned to him. "If you make me charge him, you'll have to deal with the repercussions. I can't tell you what they will be. But I can tell you that it'll cause more stress and will stress you out far more than you are now. I can't do that to you either Horatio; I'm not just trying to look out for myself. I do not know how I'd react if you made me break a promise. I was absolutely distraught as a child. I always feared breaking promises. I've associated my brother's death with breaking promises. I can't stop that, Horatio, I can't undo that. I was just a child! When I broke my promise to Wolfe about the gambling thing, I arrested not long after that, which just reinforced that fear and feeling because I saw how petrified you were, okay?!" She said as she wiped the tears from her eyes and stepped back as her hands began to tremble. He stopped on the stairs and looked at her. He knew they were finally getting somewhere because she was going into more detail about it.

"I thought that my promise killed him, because my mother was so adamant that promises were not to be broken that when he died in my arms, I thought my broken promise had something to do with his death and with my mother's death! I was 7 years old and holding my dead brother. It was the first time I'd lied and broken a promise. How do you think I felt? My uncle had to convince me that my promise didn't kill him, that it didn't kill her! I thought about breaking a promise to my uncle a few days before they were killed! There's still a part of me that fears the same thing will happen if I broke another promise! It's dug it's claws so deep into me that even if I think about breaking another promise I get that dark horrible feeling again. That time on the beach just reinforces that, both times I've broken a promise and someone dies. When I came close to breaking a promise, two more people die. Do you understand that Horatio? I'm fucking scared." She said as she squared up to him once he'd stepped down from the step. She scowled at him fiercely. He could see that she was extremely defensive and was trying to intimidate him. But he looked past her anger and saw her hurt, he saw that rare glimpse of her terrified inner child in her eyes and he swallowed. He hadn't realised that the feelings with regard to promises ran so deep within her.

"Broken promises do not kill people, sweetheart." Horatio said softly before he reached out to place a gentle hand on her upper arm but she quickly took a few steps back.

"That's exactly what David used to say to me, but the fear has embedded itself into my brain. The two times I break a promise, both my mother and brother die and I nearly die. You can tell me that broken promises don't kill people, but that fear will always be there, Horatio. It's instinctive now. You try telling a 7 year old who had been through all of that and try to get them to dissociate that the feeling of loss, emptiness, hurt and fear after they'd witnessed their mother and brother murdered by the father… years of therapy couldn't break that fear. Every time a therapist brought me back to that day, it's just pushed my fear further into me. They've made me worse, they've made that fear instinctive. Everything they did made me worse. If I hadn't have had therapy or so much of it, I'd be a much more stable person today, I know that." She said firmly. He backed off from her and nodded, finally understanding her more. He could see that she needed her space too.

"Do you want some painkillers, Zoë?" He asked softly.

"No, why? Trying to drug me so I can't see Wolfe?" She questioned forcefully, sharply. A few moments passed and she thought about what she'd just said, her eyes then widened in shock and disbelief.

"It's okay sweetheart, I know you didn't mean it. I only ask because you've got stomach cramps." Horatio said softly noticing her hand over her stomach like she'd usually do if she had cramps.

"I'm fine, I don't have cramps." She said firmly as she removed her hand from her stomach. "Is Eric still at the hospital?" Zoë questioned and Horatio nodded silently. "I'm going to see Wolfe." She said as she picked up the keys to her BMW and then walked out with her handbag over her shoulder.

"You're not going alone." Horatio said as he walked out after her. He pulled the front door closed and then rushed over to her as she waited by the garage door after pressing the button.

"Eric is there, I will be fine." She said lowly as she waited for the garage door to open enough to get in. She then ducked and walked over to the BMW Z4 and beeped it open. She opened the door and felt Horatio stand close behind her as he put an arm in front of her as he held the top of the door, preventing her from getting in. "I don't want you driving." Horatio said firmly.

"Back off from me, Horatio." She warned dangerously low but it was almost sinister as well. It didn't have any effect on him, but he knew that he'd only stress her out more if he argued again. He walked around to the other side of the car while she got in herself.

"I am coming with you." Horatio said firmly as he slunk into the low car before he pulled the door shut and plugged his seatbelt in. She started the engine as she pulled the seatbelt across her and then reversed out of the garage fast. Horatio swallowed and closed his eyes for a brief second as he felt his heart jump into his throat. '_This is going to be the ride of my life. I just hope we get pulled over before anything drastic happens.'_ Horatio thought to himself as he gripped the side of his seat by the door but acted cool and calm.

"If you say anything about any of this in front of Eric or Wolfe, I will flip, okay?" She questioned but Horatio remained silent. She waited for the garage door to close before she reversed fully off the drive and onto the road.

Horatio swallowed once more and took a deep breath. "Zoë, what is it that is bothering you? It's not anything to do with Wolfe, is it?" He questioned but she didn't answer. Instead she put her foot to the floor while she held the hand-brake. Horatio sat back and waited to be pinned back in his seat. "Just drive carefully please." Horatio asked quietly but then felt her take the hand-brake off. The car jumped forwards and took off down the road at speed. He looked over to Zoë and could see that she was seeking an adrenaline rush. He could see the wicked smile that was developing across her face and knew she was getting the adrenaline rush that she wanted. Horatio pressed his lips together.

"If you drive dangerously, I will arrest you Zoë. I don't care if you're my fiancé, I will arrest you if you put us in danger. I know you're a good driver, but at that speed not even a professional could handle the car if something were to go wrong. You're not only putting us at risk, but those on the street too and other cars." Horatio said firmly, giving her a formal warning. He felt the car slow a little and looked over to her. He could see the adrenaline running off and waited for the next dramatic increase in speed to give her the rush again, but it didn't come. "Zoë, I'd like you to slow down further, please." Horatio said firmly and she obeyed him but remained silent. They continued to drive over to the hospital in silence and then walked in in silence too. Nathan saw them walking up to the ward Ryan was on as he passed by having collected a couple of files he needed.

"Zoë, Horatio, everything okay?" He asked warmly as they passed. They both stopped and turned to him, Zoë nodded as she crossed her arms with a face like thunder. Nathan knew something really was wrong and then looked to Horatio who didn't look quite his usual composed and authoritative self. "Is there something wrong? Why are you here?" Nathan asked softly as he looked from Zoë to Horatio and back a few times.

"I've come to see how Wolfe is." She murmured quietly as she looked away and around, trying to act disinterested so he'd leave her alone. Nathan looked up at Horatio confused and he saw that Horatio didn't want to be there at all. Nathan lightly frowned at the both of them and knew that they were disagreeing on something. '_Why would she want to see Ryan? Perhaps that's why there's a tense atmosphere about them, perhaps they've disagreed on coming here?'_ Nathan thought to himself but could see Zoë becoming a lot more agitated while he studied her.

"Zoë, you need to calm down sweet." Nathan said warmly as he reached out for her.

"Don't call me sweet and don't touch me." She growled as she backed off from him as she unfolded her arms and placed her fists on her waist. She glared menacingly at him and Nathan took a step back, quickly. He noticed that Horatio wasn't making any contact with her either and that he barely even looked at her. '_It's not just a disagreement they've had, something is really wrong.'_ Nathan thought to himself.

"It's not a good idea for you to be here, Zoë." Nathan said softly, but confidently.

"You have no idea what is good for me, now if you'll excuse me; there's a patient that I have come to visit." She said before she walked away in a strop as she re-folded her arms across her chest.

"I'm sorry Nathan." Horatio apologised before he walked after Zoë, hurriedly.

"Is everything okay?" He questioned as he turned and looked at Horatio as Horatio glanced back.

"Not really, no." He admitted before he walked away and Nathan stood there for a couple of moments, baffled and concerned. He quickly walked after Horatio. Zoë entered Ryan's room with Horatio and Nathan soon after.

"How are you?" Zoë questioned firmly as she walked to the end of Ryan's bed as Eric stood up, startled and surprised. Ryan blinked at her a few times as he looked down to her and realised it was Zoë.

"Alright, yeah." He replied slowly and she realised that he was on pain medication. She swallowed as her stance immediately softened and became a little uncomfortable as she began to play with her fingers.

"Are you in pain?" Zoë questioned lightly and he shook his head, looking quite content. There was silence for a few moments, no-one knew what to do or what to say. Horatio didn't even look at Zoë; his eyes were fixed on Ryan the entire time. He glared at Ryan with a poisonous stare while he allowed violent thoughts to enter his mind.

"You shouldn't be here, Zoë." Ryan slurred, breaking the silence and the building tension.

"I want to be here." She replied as she blinked more than usual. Eric looked at her highly confused, he couldn't understand why she was stood in the room. He then looked over to Horatio and could see that he was seething with every negative emotion there was, and that his self-restraint was being pushed to the very limits.

"Do you remember anything about yesterday?" She questioned lightly.

"I remember some snippets, and what I do remember I'm horrified by. I remember putting that cloth over your mouth and nose and knocking you out, I remember you begging me to stop what I was doing, I remember pain but that's about it." He slurred. "To be honest, I don't really remember the past few days, it's all a blur really." Ryan added as he slowly blinked at Zoë.

"Do you know what they've done to you?" Zoë questioned as she looked down to the blanket covering his feet.

"Castrated me" he said as he put his head back. Horatio saw Zoë's compassion make a show which only drove his anger more, he didn't want to see the woman he loved feeling sorry for the man that abused her twice.

"Yeah, I'm sorry." She said softly as she looked back up at Ryan.

"You shouldn't be apologising. I should be apologising to you. Eric said I attacked you, Zoë, I am truly sorry, I barely remember though. What I do remember has horrified me. I am so sorry, I am truly sorry." He said as a tear fell from the corner of his eye, he quickly swept it away and looked at her. He could see the hurt on her face.

"You tried to rape me. You fought against me in my house, chloroformed me and then tied me to a grotty motel bed, naked." She said and he sat up with wide eyes.

"I did that?!" Ryan questioned frantically and she nodded. '_Eric said I attacked her, not that I tried to rape her! I thought he meant that I just kidnapped her.'_ Ryan shouted at himself in his head as his jaw fell open from pure disbelief.

"You were on top of me, naked yourself and I was begging you to stop, you were inches from me but you stopped when I promised you that I'd forgive you and get your job back and also get you some professional help. That's when Horatio shot you as he and Eric burst through the door." She said quietly as she closed her eyes and looked down. She exhaled a broken breath as she shook her head, having a partial flashback.

"I remember you promising me that." Ryan said as he looked up at her with his eyes full of sorrow and guilt even though the strong drugs had him on the edge of delirium.

"I intend to keep my promise as you were about to stop." Zoë said quietly as she clasped her hands together.

"Zoë, no. Do not forgive me, I don't deserve any of that, you need to put me in prison. I can never forgive myself. The police have been in here, asking me about the shooting, I told them that I didn't know the shooter. I know H shot me and I don't blame him. He should have done it sooner. But please, don't forgive me, Zoë. Don't." Ryan begged her as he shook his head.

"I can't." She said as she turned and began to cry. She quickly walked out as she wiped frantically at her eyes. Horatio quickly rushed out after her with Eric following to the door, Nathan had also followed to the door and watched Zoë stop in the middle of the corridor as Horatio moved closer to her.

"I can't do it Horatio. I don't want to argue with you either, it's killing me." She said as she looked up at him. He watched her tears pour down her cheeks as her entire body trembled slightly. "I'm scared, Horatio." She said as she looked up at him. He looked down into her eyes and exhaled as he mildly frowned, unsure of what she couldn't do. '_Does she mean she can't go through with keeping her promise? Or does she mean that she just can't take anymore?'_ Horatio thought to himself, becoming distressed too. She took a few deep breaths when he didn't say anything because he'd fallen into his thoughts. "I need to go to the shop." She said as she turned and walked away as she wiped her eyes. Horatio looked at her mystified and then rushed after her.

"Zoë, what is going on?" Horatio questioned. She just walked faster as she wiped the tears from her eyes more frantically. He took a gentle hold of her hand and lightly pulled her back as he stopped. She stopped and looked up at him as she made no effort to pull her hand from his as she wiped her eyes with her other hand.

"We're going straight home, we can go to the shop later. We need to have a serious talk, Zoë. You are not going to run from this, I'm not going to let you run." Horatio said firmly and she looked up at him with an upset expression. They then began to walk again as people were starting to turn and look. Horatio glanced back to Eric and Nathan and gave them a quick reassuring nod as he and Zoë walked out holding each other's hands. Zoë looked back down at the floor but looked back up to him when they walked onto the lift and travelled down to the ground floor.

"I need to go to the shop." She said quietly.

"To get what?" Horatio questioned and she looked away and crossed her arms as they exited the lift and walked out quickly.

"Exactly, you're running, Zoë. You need to face this. I cannot read your mind. I can't tell you what's going through your head. I need you to tell me exactly what is going on if we're to sort this out, and this needs to be sorted now." Horatio said firmly as they walked over to the car. She got into the car and then pulled off just as Horatio closed his door. "Wait until I'm in the car, next time, Zoë." Horatio scolded as he sat back in the seat with his heart pounding, knowing that he could have been badly hurt, but he knew that she'd timed it perfectly. She timed it so she pulled of when he was getting his leg in the car as he pulled the door closed. He sat back and plugged his seatbelt in quickly. He then looked over to her, he could see her hands shaking violently on the wheel as tears slowly fell from her eyes.

"Zoë, Zoë stop, you're shaking. You can't drive in this state." Horatio asked her softly when he saw the sheer terror in her eyes as she glanced round to him. She took a few deep breaths before she began to hyperventilate a little. She just put her foot down more and weaved through the traffic. Her phone went off and she immediately answered it.

"It's not a good time." She said firmly and then hung up, she didn't even know who was ringing her. Horatio reached over and placed his hand on her thigh as he sat forwards. She took a few deep breaths and slowed the car down as she felt his hand lightly move on her thigh, relaxing her slightly. He'd noticed that it was calming her a little so continued to repeat the action of rubbing her thigh.

"That was Joe, sweetheart. You know he's going to call you straight back." Horatio said softly when he looked at her phone.

"I'll tell him the same thing again then." She said as she concentrated on the road. "If you breathe a word of any of this to Joe, I will intentionally crash my car into a wall at high speed, alone. I promise you that." She growled fiercely at him. He looked round to her with wide eyes, absolutely shocked. He swallowed and looked back out of the front window and took a deep breath. '_She's having a break down, isn't she? She is, she must be.'_ Horatio thought to himself. They silenced for the rest of the journey. She pulled up on the drive and got out and walked straight up to the front door as Horatio slowly got out. She left the door open for him and he closed it after he'd got in. He walked through to the kitchen where she was leaning against the island counter. He saw that she'd taken a very tight hold of the edges of the work-surfaces and saw the muscles in her arms set in their tense state. Her lips were pressed into a hard, tight line as she glared down at the kitchen counter. He wasn't sure whether she was scared, angry, desperate or highly depressed. Whatever it was, he knew the next stage was that she'd start to go into self-destruct mode, that was what he ultimately wanted to avoid at all costs.

"Zoë, talk to me now, we're not leaving this kitchen until this is resolved." Horatio said firmly as he leant on the island counter opposite her. His voice was firm and strong but his eyes and expression were very calming and tender. She removed a hand from the counter to swipe a falling tear from her eye. He saw that her hand was shaking and that was probably the reason for her grip on the counter. "If you don't talk to me, I'm going to have to ring Nathan; I think you're having a breakdown, Zoë. He can put us in contact with a mental health specialist and we can get you some help. There's no shame in that, Zoë. Quite frankly I'm surprised that you could last this long. Any other person living your life would have broken years back." Horatio said softly.

"I'm not having a breakdown, Horatio!" She said quietly as she looked up at him with an unreadable expression.

"Then tell me what the problem is, please. How am I going to help in any way if you don't talk to me, Zoë? I'm trying by very best to do right by you, to do the right thing, but you're making it incredibly hard for me, sweetheart. I don't blame you at all, but a little cooperation on your part is needed. What is the problem? What else is bothering you aside from Mr Wolfe?" Horatio asked her and she looked up at him and then swallowed. She knew it was true. She took a deep breath and then nodded.


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7**

"He just said some disgusting things to me that I'm trying to get out of my head… I know they're not true, but I keep hearing them…" She said as she exhaled and then looked down. "I also think I might be pregnant, Horatio." She added quietly as she looked back up at him and his eyes widened as his jaw dropped open. "I missed my period." She added again as she ran a trembling hand through her hair. "Look, I can't tell if that's pregnancy, or if I'm bloated." She said as she lifted her top and looked at him as she stepped sideways and he looked down at her stomach. She saw the shocked look across his face, but it wasn't a bad shocked look. She dropped her top and then raised a hand to her forehead as she studied his facial expression.

"That's not a bad thing Zo–" Horatio begun but was cut off as his facial expression softened considerably as a secret smile etched across his face.

"If I'm pregnant and I break that promise…" she exhaled as she looked down and brought her hands up to her face and began to hysterically cry. He suddenly realised why she had been acting like she was, why she was so scared. Horatio quickly walked around to her and engulfed her in a warm hug as she turned and put her head against his chest whilst she continued to cry into her hands.

"How long have you suspected?" He asked smoothly as he placed his chin on the top of her head and tentatively rubbed her back with both hands.

"I suspected yesterday morning and was going to bring it up with you while on that walk, but I wasn't sure. I properly suspected this morning, but the thought crossed my mind yesterday." She cried.

"You should have told me, sweetheart." Horatio said softly, calmly as he closed his eyes and felt her wrap her arms around his waist.

"I was going to tell you yesterday morning on the beach, but just as I did I got a weird feeling. That's when I quietened down and you had asked if I was okay. I thought I got the weird feeling because I was going to bring up the possibility of me being pregnant, not that Ryan was going to turn up later that day." She cried as she shook her head. She ran her hands the length of his back many times, to try and calm herself.

"Then everything happened and I couldn't tell you. I didn't want you to suspect me of lying to you so I got my own way. You said that I was using me and your feelings to get my own way, if I had told you that I thought I was pregnant then, you wouldn't have believed me!" She said as she pulled out of his grip and looked up at him. She took two fistfuls of his shirt by his waist and blinked rapidly as he looked into her red, watery eyes. He looked horrified because he could see the truth in her admission.

"Zoë, I'm truly sorry." Horatio said as he reached out for her again and she quickly moved to hug him again. He wrapped his arms back around her and took a deep breath before he kissed the top of her head.

"This is why I'm scared, Horatio, why I'm really scared." She mumbled in to his chest. One of his hands found their way into her hair as he pressed his lips against the top of her head.

"Don't worry about a thing sweetheart, we will sort this all out. Do you want to go and get a pregnancy test?" He asked and she nodded as she looked up at him. He could see the intense worry in her eyes and even began to feel scared himself. He began to feel superstitious that perhaps something could happen if she broke her promise. '_She did arrest after admitting that she'd bailed Wolfe out of his debt.'_ Horatio thought to himself and felt a sudden increase in his heart rate. '_Don't be stupid, old man. Breaking promises doesn't do that. That was all a coincidence. I'm only worrying now because I can see how worried she is.'_ Horatio thought to himself.

"Come on then, don't worry about a thing, Zoë." He assured her as he gave her forehead a quick kiss and she gave him a small half-smile and then looked down. She finally felt a massive dead weight lift off her shoulders as the sense of relief became larger. She took hold of his hand and then walked out with him. Zoë remained silent for the entire journey, it was clear she was nervous. Horatio only hoped she was pregnant, but he wouldn't be disappointed if she wasn't. Horatio drove over to the shop with her and she picked up boxes of different pregnancy tests.

"Do you need 3?" Horatio asked and she nodded.

"I never trust these things." She said softly and Horatio nodded. He took a light hold of her hand and gave her a reassuring smile before they moved from the aisle and walked over to the check out. The teenage girl, probably about 18 years old took the three boxes from Zoë to scan them before placing them back on the counter in a small bag. Horatio then handed his card to the cashier as he placed his hand on Zoë's lower back.

"Condoms are on the same aisle." The cashier murmured quietly as she placed Horatio's card in the card machine.

"Excuse me?!" Zoë growled ferociously as she lunged forwards to lean threateningly on the desk, with a hard glare.

"Nothing" the young cashier said quickly, startled by Zoë's extreme reaction as she looked up at Zoë with wide eyes. Horatio watched the teens face flushed bright red.

"You better watch your mouth young lady or you can be fired for saying things like that." Zoë growled at her as she placed her badge on the counter and the teenage girl looked up at her shocked as she blinked rapidly.

"Zoë sweetheart, calm down." Horatio said quietly as he rubbed her back, Zoë took a deep breath and then took a step back as she removed her hands from the desk.

"I'm sorry detective, please don't arrest me. I'm so sorry." The teen panicked.

"I should bloody well think so." Zoë growled as Horatio put his pin in to pay for the items. The teen stood back from the counter as she took a deep breath. Zoë's lips tightened as she studied the teens blonde hair, blue eyes and right red lip-stick.

"I'm so sorry." She apologised once again.

"I'd watch your mouth next time." Horatio warned lowly as he took his card as Zoë picked up her badge and bag with the pregnancy tests. The teen nodded frantically at him as she composed herself. Horatio placed his hand on Zoë's lower back as they made for the exit. Zoë was fuming while Horatio had let it go, he knew that the teen would think about it the next time she opened her mouth to comment sarcastically on something involving customers.

"I'm sorry sir, ma'am, is there a problem?" An older shop attendant asked as he approached them.

"Yes, you should probably take that young girl off the cashier if she's rude towards customers." Zoë growled and he looked down at her badge that was still in her hand.

"I'm terribly sorry, I shall have words." He said softly as he clasped his hands in front of him.

"I should think so, or it'll be her job and your shop on the line next time." Zoë growled before she stalked out of the shop.

"I'm sorry and thank you, some words with her would be the best idea." Horatio said softly before he walked out after Zoë.

"What a brat!" Zoë said as she scowled at the shop as she got into the passenger seat of the car and put her seat belt on while Horatio put his on and started the engine.

"Take a deep breath sweetheart." Horatio said softly as he pulled off and placed his hand over her thigh.

"How can I be pregnant Horatio? There isn't a chance!" She said as she looked over to him. "What if something happens? What if something happens to this baby? What if I get our baby killed?!" Zoë panicked as she looked round to him and took a tight grip of Horatio's hand.

"Zoë" he said warmly to get her attention. He then had her attention and she was looking over to him while she breathed heavily. "Zoë calm down sweetheart, we don't know if you're pregnant yet." Horatio said softly as he very gently rubbed her thigh.

"But I missed my period!" She said as she looked at him.

"When was it supposed to start?" Horatio questioned calmly.

"Well, I finished my pills on Sunday, like normal and usually about 95% of the time I start on the Tuesday, but it's Sunday again now and I've had no sign of it!" Zoë said as she looked at Horatio with tears in her eyes.

"Okay, calm down sweetheart, we'll sort this out, there's no need to panic." He said softly and she took a deep breath and her phone began to ring again. She answered it again when she saw it was Joe calling.

"I'm really sorry Joe, but I cannot talk right now. I'll ring soon." She said before she hung up and put her phone down. She raised her right hand to her mouth and rubbed her lips with the backs of her fingers, feeling confused. "How could I be pregnant? I've taken my pills perfectly this month!" She said as she looked over to Horatio with a bewildered frown.

"You always say that there's a 2% chance… It says that on the information sheet too." Horatio said softly as he glanced over to her with a gentle, serene expression.

"Yes, but that is so slim! I'm not even sure if I got pregnant with Maya because of that, I must've taken a pill late. But I've taken them perfectly this month! I've never had a pregnancy scare before you, not once and I get potentially two of them with you? And an unplanned pregnancy? You must have some strong… you know." She said as she looked to Horatio.

"Zoë, it's not a problem if you are pregnant sweetheart, stop panicking. If you're pregnant, than I'm going to be ecstatic, you will be too, you've just had a rough few days." Horatio said softly as he gave her a reassuring smile as he removed his hand from her thigh and took a light hold of both of her hands in one of his.

"Stop panicking? You aren't the one who had your baby taken from your body! I can't do this yet! Not at this moment in time, not with everything that's just gone on. I can't take it. There's too much going on, there's too much on my shoulders, there's so much going on in my head, Horatio. If this was a few weeks ago I would have been absolutely ecstatic, but I can't deal with this now." She snapped at him and then began to cry as she shook her head and took a tighter hold of his hand as her breathing became erratic.

"It's okay sweetheart, I know it'll be okay." Horatio said tenderly.

"I'm so sorry Horatio, I'm just so st–" She said but stopped mid-sentence as her head fell forwards.

He immediately knew she'd blacked out. "I know, sweetheart. I know you're stressed." Horatio exhaled as he let go of her hands and rubbed her thigh as he glanced over at her a few times, making sure that she was breathing and well.

"Ressed" she said as she finished her sentence as if nothing happened once she'd lifted her head and looked over to him, unaware that the blackout had even occurred.

"I know sweetheart, it's okay." He said softly and she nodded as she put her head back and bit her lip. She closed her eyes and calmed her breathing, keeping her breathing in time with Horatio's slow hand as it lightly glided up and down her thigh. They pulled up onto the drive and saw Nathan get out of his car that he'd parked by the road in front of the house. Horatio quickly took the pregnancy tests and put them in one of his pockets before he got out.

"Nathan, are you okay?" Horatio asked softly as he walked towards them.

"Yes, I've come because I'm worried about you both. Especially you, Zoë." He said softly as he placed his hands on his hips with a mild frown. Nathan studied Zoë, and she quickly became very uncomfortable and so she moved closer to Horatio.

"Don't worry, please. We're fine." She said as she pulled on Horatio's sleeve, wanting him to dismiss Nathan quickly.

"Now isn't such a good time Nathan, but thank you." Horatio said softly with a gentle expression after he felt Zoë pull on his sleeve.

"I'm going to put it out there, you both look extremely stressed. Zoë, I'm extremely worried about you and the way you were acting earlier. I think you need some counselling, you've been through a lot." He said softly as his facial expression softened on the both of them.

"We're resolving it Nathan, we just need some space, please. We're okay. We will call if we need to." Horatio said softly when he felt Zoë pull more on his sleeve and Nathan nodded as Zoë nodded at him, reassuring him.

"I'm fine, I am really sorry about earlier Nathan, I am truly sorry." Zoë assured him and he nodded.

"Okay, just make sure you do call if you need to. I have the day off, I was only in picking up a few things earlier, I caught you by chance." Nathan said softly. They nodded and headed in after he got into his car and drove home. Horatio handed her the bag and she quickly disappeared into the bathroom while Horatio waited outside. He leant against the wall and crossed his arms. Each second felt like an hour, he wanted to know then and there.

"I don't have enough pee." She called through the door.

"You can't do all of them now, can you?" Horatio questioned as he pushed off the wall and moved closer to the door.

"I am trying." She said back. Once she finished she washed her hands and then called Horatio in. He embraced her in a hug while they waited for all six pregnancy tests to work. Both of their hearts beat wildly in their chests in time with each other's while their slightly faster breathing also matched.

"What are we going to do Horatio? Do you understand just how much I can't charge him now? Do you understand that fear? Do you finally understand just how much this whole promise thing affects me?" Zoë questioned quietly with her head against his chest.

"I do Zoë, I really do sweetheart. But I promise you that broken promises do not cause bad things to happen. I swear to you, Zoë. I am not allowing him to walk free, not this time. If that means you're going to hate me, then so be it. But I can't allow him to walk out of that hospital a free man. There is still enough evidence without that tape. Eric and I were both witnesses to what was happening, Wolfe will admit to it. I know it's going to upset you Zoë and it will stir up some old demons, but it has to be done. Zoë, imagine if I were put in your position, what if someone had attacked me? What if someone had near enough destroyed my mental state? Because that's what he's done to you. Imagine if someone had made me feel as bad as you were feeling and I argued with you over not charging that person. What would you do?" Horatio questioned and she began to cry again.

"I don't know." She said as she shook her head.

"Zoë, I know you'd talk me round, I know you'd put that person away for as long as you could, wouldn't you?" Horatio asked and she swallowed. "Wouldn't you, Zoë? You know what the right thing is, you know you'd have that fear at the back of your mind if you let him go. I know you don't want to abide by that promise, I know that's destroying you more because you don't want to abide by the promise. What happened when you broke those promises was no more than a coincidence, Zoë. I promise you that they were coincidences." Horatio said warmly.

"What if it wasn't? What if I lose you this time? What if that happens? Then who am I left with in this world? You know if that happened I'd kill myself." Zoë asked quietly.

"That won't happen Zoë, I promise you." Horatio said confidently. '_I need to get her some help, she's been pushed too far.'_ Horatio thought to himself as he kissed the top of her head. "Charging him is the only outcome I will see. It is in your best interests to charge him too, you know that." Horatio said quietly as he held her tightly. "I love you Zoë." Horatio whispered with his lips against her forehead.

"I love you too." She whispered as she looked down at his top button, she could feel every delicate movement his perfect lips made against her forehead. "Skyler wouldn't have completely deleted the footage; it goes into the virtual bin where it needs to be deleted again because it's easily recovered from that bin." Zoë said quietly and Horatio lifted his head and looked down at her.

"You knew that?" Horatio questioned and she nodded as she swallowed and looked up at him.

"I can only charge him if you're by my side and if you truly think it's the right thing to do." Zoë admitted quietly and bit her lip lightly.

"I will stand by your side forever Zoë, it is the right thing to do. It really is." Horatio said warmly before he sighed with relief. "We need to get you some help though Zoë. You've been put through too much. I can see you slipping into a dark place. I know you said therapy made you worse, but that was when you were a child, things have changed." Horatio said warmly.

"I was in therapy, counselling… everything they could throw at me up until the age of 25… 3 years ago I stopped it all because it wasn't helping me at all. I saw the best specialists David could get his hands on, often the best specialists in the state and they still couldn't do anything for me apart from making me worse. I continued with it even after David and Jen had passed in hope of it making them gone easier, but they made that worse too. I had discovered that leaving it all alone was better for me. I felt free when I stopped it all, I felt human. I could finally try and deal with it in my own way rather than have people telling me what to do and telling me how I should be dealing with it all. You see, the therapists when on with what they knew, with what worked for their other patients, but I was different. The normal ways didn't work for me and they didn't see that, they didn't see that it was making me worse and so they persevered with it. I was getting better after I left therapy, things were good. I even dealt with Mikes death a lot easier when he died when I had just turned 26. That was until I moved here and we started to receive bad luck. I've gone downhill again, I know I have. But if you think therapy is best for me, then I'll give it another go. I know I'm a complete wreck, and I know that I won't be keeping my job long if I continue down this path. I managed to blag the last medical check. That's my problem, I know what they're looking for so I'm able to change my behaviour and suit it to the perfect employee. Before long I won't be able to control that, I've been slipping for a very long time and I've sat back and watched myself." Zoë admitted. She then glanced down to the side and realised that more than a minute had passed. "Oh gosh! The pregnancy tests!" Zoë said as she pulled from the hug and rushed over to the counter and looked at all six tests.


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8**

"Look!" Zoë said as she picked up a test and showed him the positive sign. Horatio's mouth fell open a little and he stepped forwards, thinking they were all positive. His heart leapt in his chest as he felt a burst of adrenaline and happiness. But he was brought right back down to Earth when he saw the 5 other negative signs. He exhaled smoothly and then looked up at Zoë warmly as he placed his hand on her lower back.

"Zoë, that's one positive out of 6, the rest are negative." Horatio said softly as he tilted his head.

"Yes, but what if they're all wrong?" She questioned with a mild frown as she looked to him from the pregnancy test.

"It's more than likely that this one is wrong sweetheart." Horatio said softly as he gestured to the stick in her hand. She looked down to it briefly and then looked to the 5 other pregnancy tests before looking back to Horatio.

"But I've missed my period and look at my stomach!" She said as she mildly frowned at Horatio as she pulled her top up again. She looked down at her abdomen and Horatio followed her eyes down to her belly too. '_Well, it's not flat like usual, there does seem to be a slight raised bump or something, but I think she's probably just bloated.' _Horatio thought as he quickly placed his hand against her abdomen and felt it. She felt his warm hand lightly move over her skin as she looked back up at him, trying to judge his facial expression.

"I think you're just bloated sweetheart, you're really stressed and you've not eaten well the past few days have you?" Horatio said softly as he removed his hand and looked back up at her with gentle eyes. She shook her head at him frantically.

"I need to go and get some more pregnancy tests." She said as she looked up at him.

"Zoë, I need you to calm down sweetheart. Even if you were pregnant, it's nothing to be worrying about. You're not pregnant anyway, sweetheart. I guarantee that you're not pregnant." Horatio said softly.

"I'm not panicking about being pregnant; I'm panicking about what could happen during pregnancy, what if we lose another baby, Horatio? I guess I am panicking about being pregnant… but it has been a hectic few days, you've got to admit that. It's all too much." She questioned as she frowned deeply with tears falling from her eyes again.

"We won't sweetheart, we won't. I will do everything in my power to make sure that doesn't happen. I know it's been difficult, but we'll get through it." Horatio assured her as he placed both of his hands on either side of her face with a gentle, tender expression.

"You did everything in your power last time, Horatio! You even broke your wrist doing it!" She said as she took hold of one of his wrists while his thumbs gently glided over her cheek bones, catching the tears.

"Zoë, it's okay beautiful. I will never leave your side if that makes you more comfortable, I will never let anything happen to you or our children." Horatio said as he looked into her eyes. She saw his conviction and blinked at him a few times. "You're not pregnant, Zoë. You just need to eat properly and try to calm yourself. Perhaps a long hot bath?" Horatio asked warmly.

She shook her head and Horatio knew that she was in her own world and probably wasn't taking in anything he was saying to her. "This is why I got so defensive earlier, and I'm truly sorry Horatio, I really am. If there's anything I can ever do to make it up to you, then please tell me." She said softly with tears falling and he gave her a gentle, reassuring smile as he swiped them away.

"Zoë, I knew you were getting defensive about something more than this Wolfe situation, I knew you didn't mean to get so defensive so don't worry sweetheart. You got really defensive when I asked about your stomach, I should have known something was up. Is this why you were holding your stomach? I'm truly sorry for making you feel like you couldn't tell me." Horatio said softly and she looked up at him and began to cry more again.

"I don't know why I'm crying and yeah, once the idea got into my head my instincts to protect my stomach kicked in." She mumbled as she tightened her grip on him.

"You're stressed, I understand it's okay. I should have known when you said it wasn't cramps." He said softly and she looked up at him with a mild frown.

"You shouldn't suspect that I'm pregnant because I was holding my belly." She said softly as she looked down. Horatio exhaled lightly and then lifted her head to gain eye contact with her again.

"Zoë, I need you to listen to me, okay?" Horatio asked softly and she nodded as she furrowed her brow. "You're not pregnant, nothing will happen to our baby when you do get pregnant and I think you need to take a hot bath to calm yourself, okay? There is nothing to worry about at all. I'm going to handle everything." Horatio said warmly and she took a deep breath and swallowed as she exhaled and nodded.

"Are you sure I'm not pregnant?" She asked and Horatio nodded.

"I'm certain, Zoë." Horatio said softly as he cupped her cheeks delicately as he threaded his fingers into her hair.

"So, you wouldn't mind if I did just go and down a bottle of vodka, because there would be no baby to harm?" She questioned and Horatio took a deep breath.

"Yes, I would mind, because you'd be destroying your body. But I can assure you that there is no baby to harm. You aren't pregnant, Zoë." Horatio said softly.

"I'm kind of disappointed that I'm not pregnant, but at the same time a little relieved. If this whole situation with Wolfe never happened, I would have been ready to have a baby with you again. I know that I am ready, I just panicked because… well, because of a lot of things. I think I overreacted, I overreacted because I was stressed. I'm sorry Horatio. I don't want you to think that I don't want a baby with you, because I really do. If you took me back days ago and asked if I wanted a baby I would have been on you instantly, making a baby with you." Zoë said quietly.

"I understand sweetheart. Everything's going to be fine." Horatio assured her softly. They both paused for a moment, thinking to themselves.

"Go and have a bath, I'm going to make a few phone calls and then we're going to arrest Wolfe for once and for all." Horatio said strongly and she nodded as she took a deep breath. She hugged him tight one last time and then walked away quietly and looked down. '_What is this going to do to her? I'm going to have to ring Nathan so he can give me a number.'_ Horatio thought to himself with a sigh. He listened to the bathroom door close and then pulled his phone out and rang Eric.

"Eric, it's Horatio." Horatio said as he stood tall in the kitchen and looked down to the clean work surface and saw a few drops of Zoë's tears from where she'd been leaning over it.

"Hey H, everything okay?" Eric questioned.

"Eric, are you still there with Wolfe?" Horatio questioned.

"Yes, what's going on? Is he going to be arrested? I've got the bullet that he was shot with, I picked it up from the floor. I didn't want you to get in trouble, H. I know I shouldn't have done that but I panicked slightly. Wolfe is adamant that he's not charging you with the shooting and doesn't want you in trouble at all. IAB has been sniffing around but they seem to be dropping everything now that they haven't got anything from anyone." Eric said as he scowled at Ryan as he slept due to the strong painkillers. He swallowed when he heard Horatio sigh on the end of the phone and he knew then that he shouldn't have taken the bullet. '_I'm a bloody CSI and I pick up a bullet?'_ Eric thought to himself.

"Okay, here's what we're going to do. Zoë's agreeing to arrest and charge him for good this time. I'm going to send over some officers and have them take over. He'll be charged as soon as he's well enough, we've got all the evidence we need to charge him. Bring the bullet over to ours and I'll sort that out. I'm going to head over to the lab with Zoë and gather all of the evidence. I want to try and keep this on the down low as this is Zoë we're talking about. Only those who have to know will know. I don't want Walter knowing any more detail, I don't want the lab techs to know more than they need to know and I don't want Alexx to know. Do you understand me?" Horatio questioned.

"Of course H, I'll wait until the officers are here and then I'll come over to yours. Is that okay?" Eric asked as he looked back down to the floor when Ryan didn't wake.

"Thank you Eric." Horatio said as he calmed himself down a little.

"What about IAB though? I could get into some trouble for disturbing evidence. You would have got into a lot of trouble for shooting him, H. He didn't have a weapon on him, you didn't have a reasonable cause to shoot him." Eric questioned, it was clear that he was a little worried.

"Don't worry about that, Eric." Horatio said before he hung up and then rang for Nathan and asked him to send Zoë's hospital report from the morning the day before as Zoë was going to charge Ryan. Nathan agreed eagerly as he wanted to see Ryan put away too, Horatio then had officers head over to the hospital to put Ryan under arrest and stay with him until he was released where he'd be taken to the station. Horatio then put his phone away in his pocket. '_Just how am I going to get around this shooting, I would have admitted to it if Eric hadn't have picked up the bullet. Now the both of us will be in for it. At least she's agreeing to charge him, that's the main thing.'_ He thought to himself as he walked up the stairs and then knocked on the bathroom door.

"Come in." Zoë called and Horatio entered to see Zoë in the bath. He walked over to the sink and leant against it while he folded his arms and gave her a gentle smile.

"Are you feeling up to coming to the lab with me after your bath? I'm going to gather the evidence to charge Wolfe. Eric is just about to stop by and drop off the bullet he picked up to try and save my skin." Horatio asked as he tilted his head at her.

"Horatio, you know you can't have anything to do with the case." She said as she looked over to him and relaxed in the bath properly.

"I'm not just working it, if they try and de-credit anything, then Eric is on hand as he's working it with me. But no-one else is. We are keeping it between us and us only, okay?" Horatio asked and she nodded as she looked back do the water that surrounded her. "Zoë, we will try and keep this as quiet as we can, we will try and protect you as much as we can, but things are going to go around. You just have to try your best to ignore them." Horatio said warmly to try and reassure her but she remained silent.

"Are you worrying about the bullet now?" She asked a few moments later as she continued to look at the water and Horatio nodded as he rubbed his forehead briefly as he thought about what he was going to do. She looked back to him with a serene expression. "Ryan had a gun." She said as she blinked at him a few times. Horatio looked back up to Zoë with a mild frown.

"We can't lie, Zoë." Horatio said warmly as he stood up straight and dropped his hands to his waist with a tender expression.

"That isn't a lie. He had a gun, it was in the bathroom. I saw it when he walked out. He was moving away, you could just say that you saw the gun in the bathroom as the door was left open and assumed he was making his way over to it? That would have been what I would say because you'd just walked in on the situation, you wouldn't have known that he was moving away because he was going to stop. You would have seen the gun in the bathroom if you weren't so focussed on me." Zoë said warmly as she looked up at him. His eyes lit up as he realised that it was a very reasonable reason for shooting him, he didn't want to lie, but to get Ryan put away would be worth the slight twist of the truth in his eyes.

"That bullet you've got, just flush it down the loo. I assume Eric picked it up from the floor?" Zoë asked and Horatio nodded. "Then it was probably walked out with one of the paramedics shoes." Zoë replied as she sat up in the bath and pulled the plug out before she stood and got up. Horatio looked at Zoë while a small smile appeared. '_She's just saved my skin.'_ Horatio thought to himself as he watched her pickup a towel and wrap it around herself.

"Thank you sweetheart." Horatio said as he walked over to her and placed a kiss on her forehead. "We'll head over to the lab after your dressed, yeah?" Horatio asked warmly and she nodded before she walked out of the bathroom and into the bedroom as there was a knock at the door. Horatio went down and opened the door when he checked that it was Eric.

"Thanks Eric, we'll meet you at the lab. Zoë's just came up with something that will save both of our jobs. I shot because there was a gun in the bathroom and as he moved, I thought he was going to run for it. The bullet wasn't found because it was probably walked out on one of the shoes of the paramedics." Horatio said quietly and Eric nodded.

"She'd be a fantastic criminal." Eric said quietly with a small smile.

"That's what makes her the find detective that she is." Horatio said with a small smile himself and Eric nodded. "See you there, Eric. Don't start without me." Horatio said before Eric backed off and nodded at Horatio. Eric quickly left and Horatio walked into the kitchen with the bullet in its plastic bag. '_Can I really just flush it away? It's the only way I'll be able to handle Wolfe's case and make sure he gets the maximum he can get. I can't get in trouble because where would that leave Zoë?' _Horatio thought to himself before he walked into the downstairs loo. He flushed it before he had the chance to think about anything else and then turned to see Zoë at the door.

"Are you ready?" Horatio asked and Zoë nodded silently. She stuffed her hands into her pockets and turned to walk out as she looked down. He knew her hands were shaking and he knew she was genuinely terrified but admired her because it was obviously something that was difficult for her. He walked out and picked up his keys.

"Your handbag, sweetheart." Horatio said smoothly as he picked it up from the side but she didn't turn, she just shrugged as she opened the door and walked out over to Horatio's car. Horatio sighed and then reached into her bag to pick up her inhaler and put it in his pocket and walked out himself. He climbed into the car that Zoë was already in and pulled off.

"Sweetheart, I promise you that everything will be fine. Nothing bad will happen." Horatio assured her as he glanced over to her before concentrating back on the road but she remained silent again. Horatio sighed to himself and then got on with driving and left Zoë to it. They arrived and parked up, Horatio turned to Zoë and turned the engine off.

"May I have your keys please? I want to go to your office, I'm not going into the labs." Zoë asked quietly as she looked at him and he nodded with a gentle expression and handed her his keys. "Here's the footage from yesterday." She said as she handed him a memory stick.

"Thank you sweetheart, text me if you need me, okay? I'll only be in the lab." Horatio said warmly and Zoë nodded before she got out. Horatio also got out and walked in with her after she'd beeped the car locked. They walked in and parted ways, Zoë didn't say a word again and went straight to his office and locked the door once she was in there. She just sat at his desk, folded her arms and put her head in her arms. She fell asleep at the desk while Horatio and Eric sorted everything out and pushed everyone who asked anything away. Once done, they checked up on how Ryan was doing and were informed that he'd be released the next day, where he'd be charged immediately as he was going to plead guilty. Horatio thanked Eric and then put everything away safely. Horatio and Eric parted ways after being strictly professional with each other as Eric had noticed that Horatio was less than eager to discuss Zoë. Horatio headed back over to his office and knocked before he entered but realised she'd locked the door.

"Zoë?" Horatio questioned softly through the door but didn't get any response after waiting a few seconds to give her a chance to reply. "Zoë!?" Horatio questioned louder as he knocked a lot more firmly on the door and began to worry. He pulled out his phone to ring to have a cleaner bring a master key up to him but just as the phone began to ring, Zoë opened the door with a sweet but tired expression. "Sorry sweetheart, I worried." Horatio said warmly as he put his phone away and entered his office before Zoë closed the door after him.

"Everything's in place sweetheart, we just have to present the evidence to the judge tomorrow, all you need to do is turn up and answer a few questions, you know the drill." Horatio said warmly as he turned to her but she just looked down at the floor. She turned and brought her hands up to her face as she began to cry. She stepped away from Horatio when he reached out for her. Horatio then looked down to the floor as he began to fiddle with his sunglasses, he could see her trembling. "Sweetheart, everything is fine, I promise you." Horatio said warmly as he tilted his head and hoped for her to turn around. "Come on, let's get out of here, let's go home and relax and let our worries float away." Horatio said warmly as he stepped forwards and placed his hand on her shoulder blade.

"Just let them float away? I don't think so Horatio." She snapped as she turned around and scowled at him. "You might be able to forget the past couple of days now that you know he's going to be put away but I can't. What if we get into a crash when we're on our way back? What if some lunatic shoots you when we're walking to the car? What if I lose you because I've broken my promise, Horatio?" She cried as she put her face in her hands again.

"I'm sorry sweetheart, I know the problem isn't just going to go away. But what I meant is that we should go home and just relax together. Look, I'll give Nathan a call tomorrow and we can arrange an appointment with someone that can help you, yeah?" Horatio questioned warmly.

"I've already got a number. Nathan gave it to me when he asked you to leave the room." She said quietly.

"Okay, that's good. We can give them a ring this afternoon then, how about that?" Horatio asked warmly and Zoë nodded as she began to cry more hysterically.

"I miss Josh and Mummy. I held Josh in my arms Horatio. I held in in my arms while my father charged at me with the knife. My Mum laid on the floor, looking at me with glassy eyes as he ran at me, shouting while I cried for Josh to come back. That's when they shot him." Zoë cried loudly and Horatio stepped forwards and engulfed her in a loving hug.

"When who shot him?" Horatio asked warmly as he held her head against his chest while he played with her hair.

"The police. They burst through the door and warned him. When he charged at me they shot him in the back, I was covered in his blood as the bullet was a through and through. I screamed when he fell down on Josh and partially on me. Then a woman officer ran in and picked me up. She got me out of there as soon as she could. I had their blood all over me, I didn't talk for days. I didn't eat. They had to sedate me when they checked me over at the hospital, not even David could calm me. I was so confused, I felt so empty. I wanted to go back home to wake my mother and brother up. I begged David to take me home to Mum but he said I couldn't." She said quietly into his chest. "I'm so scared Horatio. I'm as scared as I was back then. It's like I'm re-living it again, I'd managed to keep those images away for so long." Zoë cried as she wrapped her arms around his waist tightly.

"You're safe sweetheart, I'm safe. Nothing's going to happen to us. We're all going to be fine." Horatio said warmly as he rubbed her back when Zoë suddenly silenced as her grip loosened slightly. "Zoë?" Horatio asked warmly and when he didn't get a response he knew she'd blacked out. He stood there with her for about 40 seconds before she came back around again. She swallowed a she looked up at him, she then stepped back with a haunted expression before she looked back down at herself and began to hyperventilate.

"No!" She said as she began to panic and pulled at her top.

"Zoë, what's wrong?" Horatio asked as he stepped forwards and placed his hands on both of her upper arms.

"Blood!" She cried as she looked up at him and he swallowed as he took her arm and realised what was going on.

"Come on sweetheart, we'll go and wash it off." Horatio said warmly as he took her arm and walked her over to the disabled loo and locked the door after them. He filled the basin with water and began to wash her hands, her stomach, chest and neck just like he had before. '_That's where this whole blood thing comes from, isn't it? When she gets so stressed, she thinks she's covered in their blood again. Why didn't this click before?'_ Horatio asked himself as he put her top back on her after making sure she was dry while she blacked out again. She passed out seconds after she'd come back around but Horatio was ready for it. He'd learned that she passes out after one of the episodes and nearly wipes her memory of the past few hours clean. Once she'd come back around again, Horatio quickly got Zoë out and into his car to take her home straight away. She remained quiet, it was clear that she was confused.

"What are we doing in your car?" She asked as she looked over at him.

"We're on our way home from putting evidence together at the lab, sweetheart. There's nothing to worry about. We're both safe." Horatio said warmly as he reached over and placed his hand on her thigh.

"Well, I know we were at the lab, but why were we there? It's Sunday, isn't it?" She asked as she checked the date on her watch.

"Eric and I have put together evidence to charge Wolfe." Horatio said warmly as he glanced over to her. '_Does she remember what has gone on?'_ Horatio asked himself as he glanced over to her with a concerned expression.

"What's he done?" Zoë questioned as she looked at him with curious eyes. He exhaled as he looked back out of the front window. '_I can't say it's a bad thing that she's forgotten, but she needs to be able to stand up in court tomorrow and answer questions.'_ Horatio thought to himself as he swallowed.

"He attacked you again, Zoë. He kidnapped you and nearly raped you yesterday sweetheart." Horatio said warmly as he sighed. She mildly frowned at him before she looked back out of the window and thought to herself. He could see her thinking and then saw her becoming uncomfortable again.

"You're okay sweetheart, you're safe. He's going to go away for as long as I can keep him away for. He's not going to hurt you again." Horatio said tentatively and she looked back to him.

"He… he's dead isn't he though? You shot him?" Zoë questioned and Horatio exhaled.

"No sweetheart, he's not dead. But yes, I shot him. I didn't shoot him anywhere vital though." Horatio assured her softly.

"Where'd you shoot him?" Zoë asked quietly.

"I shot him through his testicles. They've castrated him but he's alive and will be well enough to serve time." Horatio said warmly and Zoë nodded as she placed her hand over his.

"I remember now. Have I hit my head or something? Why did I forget?" Zoë asked.

"You've not hit your head, but you're very stressed Zoë. I think your coping mechanisms are kicking in and trying to rid the memories from your memory." He said honestly as he looked at her while she continued to look at him while she blinked a few times.

"He nearly raped me, he was laying over me, wasn't he?" She asked and Horatio nodded. "I hope they put him away for as long as they can. Why didn't I put him away sooner? Why didn't I listen to you the first time?" She asked as she looked at Horatio.

"There was a lot going on that first time, Zoë. I don't blame you sweetheart. But at least he's going away now, yeah? He's not going to hurt you anymore." Horatio said warmly and she nodded as she lifted his hand and lightly kissed the back of his hand. '_She's completely forgotten about the promise. Thank heavens, perhaps this is a good thing? I'm not going to mention it to her as it'll cause more stress and we'll have to go through everything again.'_ He thought to himself.

XXXXXXXX

They'd showered and got into bed together that evening, Horatio had yet to see Zoë smile though. "Now we need to discuss our wedding again." She said softly before she placed her leg between his and moved closer to him. She placed her head on his shoulder and closed her eyes.

"I thought we decided December the 11th?" Horatio asked softly as he lifted his head and then kissed the top of her head, prompting her to lift her head and look up at him after he'd lowered his head back to his pillow.

"Oh yes, so we did, I'm terribly sorry. I will ring Kaitlin and Joe tomorrow, are you happy for the details to be the same, you know, same everything? We do all have our dresses and you guys your suits, but if you want you can change your mind if you don't want lilac." Zoë asked softly before she lightly began to bite her lip as she looked into his eyes in the dim light.

"I'd like everything to be the same, thank you Zoë." He said softly as he hugged her close to him and she nodded before she put her head back down on his pillow, beside his shoulder. She looked up at him with a small, hidden smile on her face as she watched him look up to the ceiling with his secret smile. She took a deep breath and closed her eyes for a moment as she felt his fingers beginning to lightly coast across her skin.

"Same food and everything?" She asked, wanting to clarify and Horatio nodded before his secret smile widened into a very happy smile. "Same cake?" She asked as her smile widened after seeing his widen and Horatio nodded again as he closed his eyes, he imagined the wedding and felt butterflies in his stomach, causing him to pull Zoë closer. "Our rings are still in that draw, aren't they?" She asked and Horatio nodded. "Are you going to have a stag do this time?" She questioned as she bit her lip.

"I sincerely doubt it." Horatio said softly as he turned his head to look at Zoë with a wide smile as he raised his eyebrows at her.

"Aw, why? You can go out with the boys for a couple of drinks, can't you? You don't have to drink alcohol." Zoë said softly with a wide smile as her eyes travelled down to his mouth. They brightened up more when they saw his smile.

"You know it's not my thing." Horatio said softly and she watched his lips move before her eyes moved back up and connected with his.

"You can always go out for a meal with a couple of them. You should celebrate the last night of being a free man." She smiled cheekily.

"Why would I want to celebrate that when the only thing I want is to be taken by you?" He smiled boyishly at her and she began to giggle lightly. She moved closer and pressed her lips against his as she closed her eyes. He kissed her back with equal delicacy and felt the smile on her face, he was certain that she felt the smile on his too. Zoë relaxed her head back down to his pillow and re-opened her eyes.

"Are you having a hen party then?" Horatio questioned with a playful look in his eyes.

"Well, Kaitlin is making me have a hen party; she said that it was her payment because we missed the first wedding, so a hen do is essential for this one…" Zoë chuckled before she pressed her lips against his shoulder. He felt his skin tingle when he felt her lips touch his skin. He felt his skin tingle more when he felt her exhale through her nose as her breath hit his shoulder.

"I see, and when will this be happening?" Horatio asked softly as he turned his head to look down at her.

"Probably the night before the wedding, like usual." She said softly as she lifted her head again to look into his beautiful eyes and Horatio nodded.

"You're not going to be hungover, are you?" Horatio questioned warmly, but she could see the slight concern in his eyes.

"I sincerely hope not, but when Kaitlin is around, anything can happen…" Zoë said with a small smile and Horatio nodded.

"So long as my wife-to-be is in one piece I will be happy." Horatio said softly and she chuckled as she bit her lip and swept her hand over his stomach to his chest.

"I will be, Kaitlin won't let anything happen, seriously, if you saw her in a bitch fight you'd be surprised by the damage she can do." She grinned at him, hoping to ease his worries.

"A bitch fight?" Horatio questioned and she grinned with a nod again. She could see that he was slightly amused so giggled lightly. "The way you word things sometimes really does make me laugh." He grinned boyishly at her.

"This one time right, we were at a water park in California with a group of friends and we were queuing up to go down a particularly busy waterslide. We were probably about 17 at the time and this boy about the same age thought it'd be funny to comment on my small breasts. I decided to ignore him as he was being pathetic but Kaitlin smacked him so hard in the face that he fell down the waterslide headfirst and was so shocked he quickly rushed away after getting to the bottom." Zoë said with a small chuckle as she shook her head as she remembered the day clearly. "It makes me laugh because Kaitlin is the last one I expect to slap anyone. I think I was just as shocked as that boy." She said softly and Horatio looked down at her with raised eyebrows. "I think I'm very well protected with all of these people around me." She grinned up at Horatio and he nodded and then kissed her nose. She giggled and then kissed his back before she giggled more. She then quietened down as she moved closer and pressed her lips to his again. They closed their eyes as they gave each other more light kisses.

"I'll be Mrs Caine once and for all!" She grinned before they deepened the kiss. They could feel their hearts beating fast, both had begun to experience butterflies in their stomachs.

"Mmm" she moaned contently as she rolled over and on to him. He placed his hands on her ass and squeezed gently as they kissed deeply. He quickly moved one of his hands and placed it on one of her breasts and began to massage. He felt her immediately stop kissing and pulled her head away from him. He opened his eyes wide and stilled his hands.

"Zoë?" He asked as his heart began to pound wildly. She sat up on his hips and took a deep breath as she pushed his hand from her breast.

"I'm sorry." She said as she pushed her fringe from her face. She took a deep breath and then quickly got up off him from straddling him.

"Did I go too far? I'm sorry Zoë." Horatio questioned as he sat up and watched her walk into the en-suite. His mood dropped considerably. '_She was assaulted yesterday, I should have put the brakes on, I should have realised that it was too soon for anything that intimate.'_ He thought as she quickly closed the door too. Horatio got up and walked over to the door, but didn't touch it. He knew that if he did she could snap at him.

"I'm very sorry sweetheart, I should have thought first." Horatio said softly as he leant against the wall beside the door.

"It wasn't you, don't worry handsome." Zoë called through the door. Horatio frowned lightly and stood up straight, he turned back to the door. He felt a sense of relief as he exhaled.

"May I come in?" Horatio asked softly as he looked at the door. He then watched it open as Zoë stood just in front of him with a small smile.

"I'm coming out now anyway." She said softly and Horatio gave her a nod, he was still concerned.

"Please tell me what I did wrong?" Horatio asked softly as he reached out and threaded his fingers into her hair.

"It wasn't you Horatio, he bit me, it just hurt when you touched my breast." She said softly as she looked down and began to play with her fingers. Horatio sighed quietly and closed his eyes. '_How could I forget that?_' He questioned himself firmly.

"I'm so sorry sweetheart, I completely forgot." Horatio said softly and she nodded as she looked down at the carpet as he stepped back to allow her to pass him. They slowly walked over to their bed and stopped by the corner as Zoë looked back up at him.

"Don't worry about it, just try and stay clear of them for a few days, please?" Zoë asked quietly.

"Of course." He said softly and she gave him a small smile as she gave his ass a quick squeeze before walking over to her side. His boyish smile soon returned as he watched her climb back into bed. He soon climbed into his side and laid his arm out ready for her to move closer so he could wrap his arms around her. She did just as he'd thought and moved into the comfort of his arms as she placed her head back down on his pillow.

"I had your pillow last night, sorry." She said quietly as she closed her eyes and took a deep breath.

"I realised after I asked." He said softly and she looked up at him shyly. She pressed her lips together before looking down to his shoulder and he could feel her guilt emanate from her.

"Horatio, I feel terrible about last night, I really do. I am so sorry. I feel terrible about having a go at you for sleeping in the room on the floor too." She said quietly as she held him tighter. '_Please don't let go of me.'_ She thought to herself as she closed her eyes and waited for him to push her away.

"Zoë, don't worry about it sweetheart, it was my choice. I needed to be close to you, but I knew you needed space, so I chose the floor. Zoë, don't worry about anything that has gone one, you've had it rough, really rough, I understand completely that you wanted your space and I should have respected that." Horatio said softly as he held her tighter and felt her relax slightly. He knew then that it was his comfort and touch that she needed more than anything.

"No, you shouldn't have had to sleep on the floor, Horatio. I know you don't sleep if I'm not there." She said softly as she opened her eyes and looked up to him.

"Zoë, I just said that was my choice. Don't worry about it." He said softly and she exhaled.

"You should have slept in this bed and hugged my pillow. I pretended that it was you I was hugging, I just didn't want a hug back which is why I chose the pillow over you as it had your scent. I didn't want to be touched… I just… I–" She said quietly and then listened to Horatio exhale smoothly as his hands gently moved over her soft skin.

"Don't worry sweetheart, but if you had have told me that you didn't want me to hug you back, I would have respected that Zoë. I would have understood." Horatio said softly as he turned his head to look at her with a gentle, trustworthy expression. She sighed softly as she looked up at him. She then looked down to his chest when she began to play with his chest hair lightly.

"It's not fair though really, is it? How could I say, 'I'm going to hug you but I don't want you to touch me please?' it's not exactly the nicest things to say to your husband-to-be… then again, I guess sleeping in another bed entirely isn't fair or nice." She sighed heavily, realising just how much of a bitch she'd been to him. She closed her eyes and exhaled again, trying to fight the tears.

"Zoë, let's stop talking about this, it's okay sweetheart, I understand and it's really okay." Horatio said softly as he rubbed her back and then placed a delicate, affectionate kiss on the top of her head. She took a deep breath and then nodded before she kissed his shoulder lightly. She then lifted her head and gazed into his beautiful, tired eyes.

"Okay, goodnight handsome." She said softly and he gave her a quick kiss.

"Goodnight beautiful." He said before he kissed her again. Horatio turned the lamp off and then they dropped their heads to the pillows, but Zoë began to sense a sensation of unease and she knew Horatio was thinking about something. She felt him exhale a deep breath and that confirmed her thoughts of him thinking to himself about something.

"What's the matter?" She asked tenderly as she lightly began to run her fingers up and down the middle of his ribcage.

"Nothing, sweetheart." Horatio replied quietly.

"Horatio, I just got us into a terrible mess because I refused to talk to you about what was bothering me, please don't repeat my mistakes." She asked warmly as she placed her hand flat against his chest and felt the fresh, crisp chest hair give way under her palm.

"You said something earlier before you told me that you thought you might be pregnant." Horatio admitted quietly as he turned onto his side and pulled her closer. He felt her nose against his just as her breath hit his cheek.

"What did I say?" She asked warmly as he felt her fingers glide down his spine easily.

"We don't need to get into it now, sweetheart. We need to get some rest." Horatio replied after he exhaled.

"No, please I want to discuss this now. You're not going to sleep well if something is playing on your mind." Zoë said warmly as she lightly rubbed her nose against his.

"You said that he said some disgusting things to you, what did he say? Did he mention anything about me again? Is that also why you pushed me away when I tried helping?" Horatio asked warmly and then felt her heavy sigh.

"You're right, let's discuss this another time." She said quietly as she turned onto her back and exhaled once more.

"Zoë, you've just got it out of me and now you're running again. He did say things about me again, didn't he?" Horatio asked tenderly as he moved closer to her and wrapped an arm around her stomach. But she remained silent and didn't touch him back. "Zoë, you've just told me not to repeat your mistake, you're now repeating it yourself. Just talk to me sweetheart. I know that at times like that you'll believe nearly anything. I know you're susceptible to suggestion when you're highly stressed and scared. Just as long as you know that what he said wasn't true, then I'm happy to let it go." Horatio said warmly as he moved to place one of his legs between hers as she always did with him. She swallowed and then flicked the lamp on that sat upon her bedside table.

"He told me that you wouldn't ever want to touch me again and that you never wanted me. He said that you didn't love me and that you were cheating on me with other women. He said that you were with me out of pity because we lost Maya." She said before she burst into tears and then raised her hands to her face to cover her watering eyes. Horatio quickly sat up and placed a hand on the top of her head as he placed the other on her shoulder.

"Zoë, none of that is true, none of it. I promise you–" Horatio began to try and comfort her but he realised that she wasn't finished and that she hadn't even got to the worst part.

"He said that you didn't want Maya and so you let her die. He said that you didn't want to bring a life into this world with me and that you didn't care." She cried louder as she shook her head and sat up herself. She pulled her knees up to her chest and bowed her head down to place her forehead against her knees. "He said you didn't love her, that you killed her." Zoë hysterically cried as she hugged her legs tighter. Horatio sat there feeling absolutely disgusted that Ryan had told her such things when he knew that she would believe him. He was initially stunned into silence as he just watched her crying hysterically in the foetal position. '_If I had have known that when I shot him, I would have gone for his head.'_ Horatio thought to himself darkly.

"Zoë, I hope you don't believe that, sweetheart because none of that is true at all." Horatio said calmly but confidently. She didn't respond to him, she just cried even louder. "Zoë" Horatio asked wanting to reach out to her but afraid of the possible consequences of doing so. "Zoë" Horatio said again as he watched her loosen her arms around her legs slightly. "Zoë" Horatio said again and she finally looked up at him with a sore eyes and a protruding bottom lip as it lightly quivered.

"What's in your voice that makes it so easy for you to make me feel better? Just saying my name has an involuntary action on me." She said while she continued to cry as she removed one of her arms from her legs and began to wipe her eyes with the back of her hand.

"Zoë, please tell me that you don't believe any of that?" Horatio asked out straight as he moved closer and began to delicately rub her back.

"No, no I don't believe it, but it's upsetting to be repeating it, it's upsetting to hear him say her name. I believed some of it and I nearly believed the stuff about Maya, but I couldn't, I didn't want to at all. Then you came and saved me and it reinforced my confidence in you. I know it's not true though, none of it." She said brokenly as she began to compose herself while she concentrated on his tender touch.

"Promise me that you don't believe it, please. None of it is true, he fed you lies when he knew you were vulnerable." Horatio begged her, needing to really know that she was telling him the truth. She swallowed and then released her other leg and began to wipe both of her eyes as she took continuous deep breaths to calm herself. "Zoë, please tell me that you don't believe a word he said." Horatio pleaded her as he moved onto his knees to kneel in front of her. She removed her hands from her eyes and looked up at him as she placed her hands on his thighs.

"I promise you that I don't believe him. I'm just upset at the thought of those words. I'm upset and disgusted that he can say our angels name and use it so viciously." She said as she moved to kneel in front of him. Horatio exhaled a sigh of relief but could completely understand why she was so upset. He felt upset and angry just thinking about what Ryan had said about he and Maya.

"He was unwell, our angel knows that she's very loved by the both of us. I still tell her that I love her every day and I know you do too. He's not worth getting upset about." Horatio said softly as he placed his hands over hers and Zoë nodded as she looked up at him.

"Lie down with me please? Just hold me because then I really know that everything will be alright." She pleaded him and he nodded. He laid down in the middle of the bed and reached out to her. She turned and laid down against him, partially on the bed and partially on him which allowed him to wrap both arms around her as she placed her head on his shoulder.

"Everything's going to be alright. I promise you. I love you and Maya to heaven and back and I always will. You're going to be my amazing wife in just a few months and hopefully after that we're going to give our angel some brothers and sisters. She'd be really proud of you, I know I am. Maya would have been proud to call you her mother when growing up. I bet she can't wait to have a brother or sister. I bet she already knows whether she's going to have a brother or sister first. You are truly amazing, Zoë. I wake up every morning and it's like I'm waking up in paradise. You are by far the strongest woman I've ever met, you are the most complex woman I've ever met too but that is what makes you who you are and that is just a couple of reasons why I love you so much. You're everything I ever want , the only thing that complete my life more would be to have a baby with you or two, perhaps even three." He continuously talked as he could feel her really relaxing against him.

"We're going to have the time of our lives in the Seychelles, there is no doubt about it. You're going to look so beautiful in your wedding dress. I can just feel it. I can't wait to marry you, Zoë. I can't wait to be able to call you my wife, I can't wait to share the rest of my life with you and our children. Words quite literally cannot communicate the feelings I have for you. I love you, Zoë." Horatio said warmly and ended when he felt her drift off into sleep. He swallowed and closed his eyes while he concentrated on the steady breath that exited Zoë's mouth repeatedly. He finally felt at peace with himself after a few hectic days. He slowly fell asleep himself, happy to feel Zoë wrapped around him.

XXXXXXXX

A couple of weeks later, Walter and Eric were in the lab.

"So, Wolfe has finally gone down for 2 years? You know he's literally only going to serve half of that and probably even less." Walter said as he looked up at Eric.

"I know, I thought he'd get at least 4 years in prison. I can't work out why he got so little. The evidence was damming against him. He went there with the intention and with a gun. What sort of judge thinks 2 years is acceptable for the assault, especially against a police officer?" Eric said bitterly.

"How is Zoë doing, she's getting help, isn't she? I swear I overheard her talking about some sort of counselling thing with Horatio or something." Walter said quietly.

"I'm not even going there, Walter." Eric said sharply.

"I'm not saying it's a bad thing, she probably needs it, you know how crazy she can get." Walter said casually and Eric looked up at him with a scowl.

"Shut up Walter." Eric said bitterly again.

"I bet she goes crazy in bed. I bet she uses sex to get her own way, why else is Horatio soft with her when all we get is grumpy and stern H? She probably does some crazy sex move so he doesn't give her the hard jobs as we always seem to get the dirty stuff. She probably does all of the work in bed while H lays back and enjoys it." Walter said with a light chuckle but Eric seemed less than amused as he continued to scowl at Walter. Walter's eyes then looked to Zoë and realised she'd walked in.

"Just shut up Walter." Eric said bitterly before he'd realised Zoë had walked in. he then looked back over to the door when he saw Walter's eyes fixate on something and he saw Zoë standing there. She'd stopped by the glass door and stared at Walter with her jaw nearly hitting the floor. Eric saw her eyes darken and saw the fire ignite fiercely.

"What the fuck Walter?!" Zoë shouted sharply at him. Her heart rate had more than doubled in the matter of seconds as her defensive mode started up. Walter's eyes widened as his heart rate tripled while he took a deep breath. He slowly turned around. '_Please let that be my imagination, please._' Walter begged himself because he knew he was in the wrong. He looked over to her and both Zoë and Eric saw the shock and fear on his face as they both glared at him, Zoë's glare was significantly more hostile than Eric's. Walter's mouth went dry as he dropped the pen he was holding to the desk and took a step back when she took a threatening strong step towards him.

"I-I'm sorry Zoë." He squirmed as he shook his head and swallowed.

"How dare you say something like that?!" Zoë questioned forcefully and loudly with her tight fists on her waist. Eric began to fear that she was going to physically harm Walter as he'd never seen Zoë look at someone so dangerously before. He knew that what had gone on the past couple of weeks had been making her life difficult with everything going on with Ryan, so he wasn't sure what lengths she'd go to. He stepped forward and placed an arm out in front of her as she took another threatening step. She walked into his arm and then turned her head to glare at him. She felt him resist against her body.

"Zoë he didn't mean it, take a deep breath." Eric said softly trying to keep the situation under control. He gave her a tender expression as he raised his other hand and placed it on her upper arm. She looked into his deep brown eyes and then took a step back, allowing Eric to drop his aching arm where he'd been strongly resisting against her when he didn't allow her to pass. She took a deep breath as she looked down at the flooring. She gritted her teeth as she looked back up and ran a hand through her long, soft hair to remove it from her face.

"You think I use sex to get my own way? Who do you think I am? Who do you think you are? That's absolutely disgusting Walter!" She growled loudly, causing lab techs and others to look over to them. Walter swallowed hard as he looked from her to Eric, wishing Eric would get him out of the hair-rising situation. He was scared, very scared.

"Zoë, could you keep your voice down please?" Eric asked softly as he gave her a gentle expression.

"I'm bloody disappointed in you! How many times are you going to talk about our sex life behind our backs?" Zoë questioned firmly. "What is your fucking problem?" Zoë shouted and Horatio quickly entered as someone had quickly told him that Zoë was exploding at Walter so he left the paperwork that he was doing in his office to try and calm the situation. He quickly scanned the room to get an idea of what was going on, it was clear that Walter had upset Zoë. He approached Zoë carefully.

"Zoë, sweetheart?" Horatio questioned tenderly before he placed his hand on her upper arm and stood at arm's length. She didn't even look round to him, she was too focussed on Walter to look back to Horatio.

"What is your problem Walter? Is it our age difference? Is it because you're sexually frustrated because you haven't had any women for some time?! Or is it because you're jealous?" Zoë questioned firmly, loudly as Horatio glanced up to Walter and then had an idea as to what had happened. Horatio stepped forwards as he exhaled, deeming it safe to move closer to her.

"Sweetheart, I think we need to go and cool off." Horatio said calmly as Eric stepped away from her as Horatio placed his hand on her lower back, he moved closer so her arm was in contact with his chest and stomach. Zoë glanced back to him and he got a glimpse of her savage glare. He tilted his head and moved closer again as his arm snaked down around her waist with his hand on her stomach while his chest made contact with her shoulder.

"Cool off? He's forever talking about our love life, he's just had the cheek to say that I probably use sex to get my own way and so you give him the dirty jobs like checking beds!" Zoë said as she looked back to Walter with her vicious glare intensifying. Walter and Eric could see the very displeased look develop across Horatio's face as he exhaled through his nose. Walter blinked a few times as he looked to Horatio for some sort of help but he could see the fire in Horatio's eyes too.

"I'm sorry sir, it just came out." Walter squirmed more. Horatio held Walters guilty, afraid eyes for a few seconds before he looked back to Zoë and moved his head closer to hers.

"Come on, we should go and cool off." Horatio whispered delicately but she didn't move, she instead took a stronger stance, causing Horatio to take a step back when he felt her tense.

"For your information, age is just a number; age has nothing to do with anything. I love him, he means absolutely everything to me and our age doesn't even cross our minds and it shouldn't cross yours too! I'm sick of people thinking that I'm too young to be with Horatio, I'm not! AGE IS A FUCKING NUMBER, love is the important factor! Also for your information he is a fucking God in bed! He's much better than you could ever do, much better than the 'younger ones' so I suggest that you stop commenting on that! Not everything is about sex Walter, he is the first man on this Earth who has made me feel completely comfortable with who I am, he's the first man to take me and every single one of my imperfections and still love me unconditionally for who I am. If it's because you're jealous and you've said a few things that has made me think that you better snap out of it right now because that is how Wolfe started out. Or is it because Horatio gets more action in the bedroom that is making you jealous? If I ever catch you talking about us like that again or you are saying something that makes me think you are jealous I will rip your balls off and I'm sure Horatio will gladly help me with that. If you're that frustrated go and fuck someone, you're always saying how good you are with the ladies!" Zoë shouted at him and everyone stopped to turn to stare at Walter. The entire lab had stopped and turned to gawp at Walter. Horatio repeatedly tried to pull her away.

"I'm so sorry Zoë." Walter said just as she began to cry from anger and frustration herself. She turned to Horatio as she raised her hands to her face and then walked out with him as he put his arm around her. Walter stood there with his mouth still hanging loosely trying to believe that what just happened, really happened. '_I've actually upset Zoë.'_ He thought to himself.

"It's okay sweetheart." Horatio said softly.

"I bet that's taught you a lesson." Eric muttered as he walked out. Walter looked down at the desk and finally closed his mouth. He ran a hand over his head and took a few deep breaths. He could only imagine what was to come from Horatio.

Horatio sat Zoë in the break room and sat next to her as he rubbed her back and played with one of her hands as she leant against him. She had her head on his shoulder as she used her right hand to wipe the falling tears away.

"Why do people look at our age before they look at us?" She questioned brokenly.

"I don't know sweetheart, I wish I could answer you." Horatio said softly, he was also questioning himself with the same question as he sighed.

"I'm so sorry about that Horatio, I lost it." She cried as she shook her head and felt his fingers entwining with hers.

"Don't worry, I think you've definitely taught him a lesson now." Horatio said softly with a light chuckle trying to make the situation into a more pleasant one and trying to cheer her up and she nodded as a small smile tugged at her lips for a brief second.

"But I didn't mean to talk about you. I should have left you out of it." She said as she lifted her head and looked up to him as he produced a handkerchief from his pocket and held it out to her. She took the handkerchief from his hand and wiped the corner of her eyes before she wiped her runny nose.

"Well, you didn't exactly say anything bad about me, did you?" Horatio said with a small boyish smile, trying to cheer her up and she exhaled a chuckle as she looked back down. She exhaled a quick chuckle before she shook her head. Her tears had gradually began to slow.

"The whole lab stopped Horatio, everyone just saw that. Am I getting worse with these mood swings? The therapy and counselling isn't working at all, Horatio. I feel better in myself when I'm not doing the shit they tell me to do. I personally think it's best if I find another person or stop the counselling, what do you think?" She questioned as she placed her hand on his thigh, she needed to know his honest opinion as her sore, red eyes darted from his right to his left.

"Now everyone knows not to talk about us otherwise they know what they will get. I'm sure Walter's not the only one who's been thinking it, now they all have their answers. Don't worry about it, none of them will think anything of it. It was his fault for winding you up so much. You're not getting worse sweetheart, you've had a very rough time and he's been pushing you to that. I knew you'd snap eventually, I would have if I ever caught him talking about you and me like that. If you want to change, you can change sweetheart, it's up to you. But I advise you keep with it for a few more weeks at least to make sure it's really not working." Horatio said softly and she exhaled as she looked down and then wiped her eyes with the back of her hand for the last time. She took a deep breath and then nodded as she looked down to the handkerchief and studied the two initials '_H.C.'_ sewn into it.

"I have some work to get on with and you have a meeting soon, don't you?" She said softly as she looked back up to him with a calm expression.

"Are you okay to work sweetheart? I can take you home if you want." Horatio said warmly as he ran his hand up the length of her spine.

"Yeah I'm fine; my crazy bitch mode is over now." She said softly as she sat up straight and looked at him and he nodded and then wiped the rest of the tears from her eyes and cheeks.

"Okay sweetheart, come and find me if you have any problems. Miss Boa Vista is coming back to discuss working here again, so if you need to go home, then just come and knock, I can talk with her over the phone or something. Try and keep your distance from Walter for the moment, yeah?" Horatio asked softly and she nodded with a small smile as she glanced down to her knees.

"I will, thank you and I'm sorry." She said softly and then stood with him before she hugged him tightly. They pulled from the hug and Horatio wiped the last tear from her eye before he affectionately kissed her forehead after she looked down to his shirt. "I think I've got some make-up on your shirt, I'm really sorry." She said as her eyes rested on a small black stain on the upper right chest of the shirt. Horatio glanced down to it and then cupped her chin to direct her eyes back up to his.

"Not to worry, it's not noticeable and will come out in the wash." Horatio said softly and she nodded with a gentle smile as she placed both hands on his waist.

"How is my make-up?" Zoë asked with a small smile, expecting it to be smeared all over her face.

"It's perfectly fine, nothing has run or smudged. How it got on my shirt without making a mark on you is beyond me." He said softly and she nodded with a small gentle smile.

"Thank you." She said softly and he gave her a smile. They then walked out with each other and then split. She walked into a different lab where Eric was now based while Horatio walked over to his office.

"How are you doing, Zoë?" Eric asked warmly.

"I'm okay thanks, getting by like usual." Zoë said quietly as she concentrated on the trousers she was looking at. "I'm sorry for that Eric, I didn't mean to lose it." Zoë apologised as she stood up straight and took a deep breath.

"Don't apologise Zoë, he did deserve something along those lines. I was close to shouting at him myself. I'm sick of hearing things like that, let alone you. You had every right to tell him to stop it… you just gave it your special Zoë touch and added a little more shouting." Eric said warmly as he looked at her with a gentle smile, hoping to cheer her up. She looked down with a mild smile and pushed away a small chuckle. She and Eric got on with their work until the end of their shift arrived and they had closed the case they were handling. She took a deep breath and then looked back up at Eric with a gentle smile just as Horatio walked in with an easy expression, but it was clear he was slightly stressed.

"2 seconds Horatio." Zoë said warmly and Horatio nodded and then waited as she and Eric finished up.

"See you later, Eric." Zoë said as she walked out with Horatio.

"See you tomorrow." Horatio said to Eric.

"Bye guys." Eric said warmly and watched them both walk out hand in hand. Eric left it a few moments and then walked out and into the locker room where he saw Zoë and Horatio pull from a tight hug. Walter then reluctantly walked into the locker room with his head low. He immediately became nervous and uncomfortable.

"Horatio, Eric, can we have a moment please?" Zoë asked softly and they nodded and then walked out. Walter looked at Zoë and thought that he was going to get another earful.

"Zoë, before you say anything, I am truly sorry. I didn't even mean what I said." He said as he looked at her sorrowfully.

"I am sorry about shouting at you and losing it, I didn't mean to get so defensive and shouty, but I am sick of people thinking about our age before us and I am sick of hearing you talking about our love life, it has nothing to do with you at all, so why you care is beyond me. I never use sex to get my own way. Do you even understand how that has made me feel? I feel degraded because of your comment." She said firmly becoming annoyed again as she placed her hands on her hips once more.

"I am sorry, Zoë, it won't happen again. I promise you. I didn't mean any disrespect to Horatio or you." He said softly.

"Don't make promises you can't keep, Walter." She said as she tried to soften her expression.

"I fully intend on keeping the promise, Zoë. If there's anything I can do to make it up to both of you then please tell me." Walter said softly and then watched Zoë think to herself for a second.

"Thank you, I think you can start tomorrow by giving the hummers a wash." She said softly as she looked up at him with a cheeky half-smile and Walter nodded with a small smile himself. She relaxed further when she saw his smile and dropped her hands from her hips as she picked up her handbag.

"Have a good evening, Walter, I'll see you tomorrow." She said softly.

"You to Zoë." He said as she walked out. She linked arms with Horatio and then walked out with him.

"Alright?" he asked.

"Yes, thank you." She said softly and he nodded and then pushed the button on the lift. "So… are we having Natalia back?" Zoë asked and Horatio nodded. "Brilliant, we needed another woman on the team." Zoë said warmly and placed her head on his shoulder while they stood in the lift. "Does she know about Ryan?" Zoë asked much quieter as she swallowed and held his hand and arm tighter.

"She knows that he's been charged with attempted rape, but she doesn't know that you're involved in it in any way, don't worry sweetheart. She won't even mention it." Horatio assured her and she nodded as they exited the lift and walked out.

"Run, dinner, bath and then bed I think." She said softly as she exhaled while they walked over to the car.

"I couldn't agree more." He said softly and then kissed the back of her hand when he brought It up to his lips.

"Wedding in 2 months, finally!" Zoë beamed brightly as she looked up at him and he smiled and nodded with happiness emanating from him.

The End

**Thank you all for reading and those who have reviewed. Next story: "Blissful Moments"**


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